When I see O smile

I was working from home yesterday, laptop on my lap as she played in our living room and I hear this thump, thump, thump of her (still army)crawling over to me. Fwap fwap..two tiny hands on the couch seat and then two big blue eyes peer over the edge of the couch. With a room full of toys (some new and not cheap), all she wants is to play with the big glowing thing that mommy has on her lap. I try to keep it out of her reach, but that just causes her to cry. O's getting an opinion now...and I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that working from home is no longer an option if she's there too. Major bummer.

The reason I was working from home yesterday is O has caught another cold. This time from Millie (my best friend's girl). Part of it is my fault as the whole family went to visit my friend this past weekend and, she did warn me that Millie was caughing. After consulting with John, we decided it was fine and that we would just keep them as separated as possible. In hindsight, we probably should not walked into the germ zone, but I thought we could take preventative measures and maybe come out unscathed. WRONG. Both John and Olivia are in the throws of a cold. (The fact that I have been religiously taking generic Emergen-C might be why I have escaped...so far). It has gotten to the point where O has a minor cold of some sort more than she is 100% healthy. I wonder what my breastmilk has actually made her immune to. She had better be a genius cuz I am starting to appreciate when she is "normal" more often than I feel I should.

Speaking of the reasons why I am still breastfeeding dissappearing... my period has come back with a vengance. Afer 18 months of nothing, I got it good. I guess I overstayed my welcome in the "friend" free zone. I think I remember hearing that the first one is a bit longer than usual. Oh goodie. The plus side is I would technically know how to start planning baby number two.

This time around, I think I am not going to go back on the pill. I feel like it will be one less reason why it takes so long for me to get pregnant. Ironically enough, I hear that alcohol can also decrease your ability to get pregnant (even though alcohol has been the cause of many a pregnancy, I am sure). But that's a guilty pleasure I am not quite yet ready to avoid just yet. I would like to give O a sibling before I am 35, so I have at least a year... and then it all depends on how secure the job market is... aka secure my job is.Although I would love to just stay home if I had a second one...we'd have to outweigh the cost of daycare with what my actual income is. (Suprisingly enough a licensed architect does not make a lot of money even though our education and exam process is on par, if not more, than doctors and lawyers.

I was having problems coming up with a title for this blog. It's weird to think of your life experiences in chapters with titles. Sometimes I know exactly what the theme of my blog will be and sometimes it's a bit more random. The title of this one came from the fact that I looove my baby's smile. She crinckles her nose and eyebrows and smiles with her whole face. If there's anything that has made me sad or upset that day, I just forget it all when I see her smile. She's not always consistent with what makes her smile, so you've got to be on your toes. What you did to get the honor of her smile one day will not be so amusing to her the next. If you were a fly on the wall in my house, you would probably think I am a looney tune with the noises and gestures I make...but I am trying to get my fix of the most amazing smile ever. Other mom's may think their baby has "THE" smile. But, they'd be wrong. >:D

I am mother, hear me whine!

The thought that goes through my mind time and time again is: How do people get through their first and decide they want to do it all over again?! Don't get me wrong.... Olivia is, what I imagine to be, a dream baby, but aside from not wanting to deny her the joys of siblings.... why would I do this again? I never feel like I spent enough quality time with her and when I do spend time with her, as much as I try to stay in the moment, my mind wanders to all of the stuff that could/should get done. Just the guilt of not doing my best at the quality time with my dd... And the stress of making sure there's nothing around that could hurt them...but not too much padding or they never know what pain is like to avoid it and then you have a whole new ball of hot wax on your hands. Speaking of hot, I have just scratched the surface of babyproofing. More fun awaits!

I say this, knowing I will want another one shortly. My friend finally got prego after a year and a half of trying. (I thought my ten months was torturous!) She's a great mother, with a great head on her shoulders. She has nothing to worry about if the theory (I have) that your children will give you as much joy/grief as you gave your parents aka Karma. I am so happy for her and can't wait to see her go through all of those fun changes again. I just happened upon a book in a bookstore, that I saw the title and just laughed out loud: "What to expect when your expected." A parody of the bible to all parents/parents-to-be. I am surprised that I didn't think of that first. It is so in line with my sense of humor.. But I also thought Martha Stewart stole my idea as well (I was just too young to do it). I may have to steal it back from her for my next go-round.

Tis the holiday season. I keep staring at all of the Christmas themed outfits I could/should be getting Olivia. Namely those adorable miniature gowns that every baby girl seems to own. I keep thinking, "She has something red I could throw on her for Christmas." It's really hard to fork over even the smallest of change for something she'll wear for a few hours...ever. Even though she will look totally adorable in it. Am I a bad mother because I don't buy her the frilly frills yet? I am sure I will make up for it when it comes to tutus. You KNOW she's going to be sporting the tutus...the aerodynamic kind that go with her running shoes that daddy buys her ;-)

Okay, I am even boring myself. I just thought that I needed to update my blog and I had a few ideas. Sorry for this one.

Olivia's Law

I thought this momnesia thing was for pregnancy and/or the "fourth" trimester when you aren't sleeping. I think we're on a "normal" sleep schedule and I cannot express in words how my brain is failing me. (probably because I am too stupid at this point to think of words). I am lucky I can communicate at all at this point. The English language fails me at times. I was trying to explain to my mom how my boss' kids went to "smart kids pre-school" (aka Montessori) and they don't babyproof there. Good thing I want Olivia to learn multiple languages. Cuz, if she's relying on me for English, then she's screwed.
Speaking of babyproofing, Olivia has broken through our makeshift pillow barrier. I was eating my dinner and all of a sudden I couldn't see her. Luckily, I noticed in time..cuz she also likes go go up our stairs and that was right past the barrier. She can crawl up the stairs on her own, but would probably fall back down if we weren't around. I really have no room in my worrying department for that just yet. I like the idea, in theory of not babyproofing and having your child learn what not to touch by either being harmed by it or by you telling them... I mean, all we have right now are outlet plugs and our couch cushions everywhere... and a few generous friends' donated baby gates (which we have yet to put up). We'll see how much babyproofing I actually have to do. Olivia does like to go to the ONE place she shouldn't... It's just... where do you STOP? I could cover this house in all things babyproofing and I am sure she'll find the one hole in the system. That's Murphy's (nay Olivia's) law.
This week has been another week in what I'd like to call...should-I-go-to-the-emergency-room-?, otherwise known as Olivia's week in projectile vomiting. All I can say is, I don't know how moms coped without Facebook or Google. Through Google, I just typed in her symptoms and find that coughing can trigger the gag reflex. By posting her symptoms on Facebook, all of my parent-friends told me to just keep her hydrated and plenty of sleep. The good news is, I don't feel like the worst mother for keeping her at home...the bad news is, this latest disease she picked up (probably at daycare) has brought us back to square-one with the feeding process.
Bland foods is all she'll even deign to open her mouth for. My sister told me that her friends' kids will only eat white foods. This terrifies me, to say the least. My hope is that this will all be some cruel irony and she'll actually be an avid eater (like her mommy) when she gets a little older. HOW can MY kid be such a picky eater? She is way too young to reject all of the wonderful flavors and textures that await her. Fingers crossed for cruel irony... either that, or I have some 'plaining to do to my pediatrician for making me wait until 6 months to start her on solids. I had such a feeling that she was ready sooner and I waited for her to form a personality [food snob]. I guess we can't have it all. For every other aspect of my darling daughter is damn near awesome. If all I have to complain about (and she doesn't become malnourished) is her eating habits, then I can consider myself a baby-lottery winner.
Look at me looking on the bright side of things.
Yesterday was our second ever family portrait (first was at O's two weeks). We went to Sears Portrait Studio. Shame on me for picking a Saturday, but I guess that's the only way we could get Daddy in the picture. Everything turned out alright...but there's nothing like a room full of irate parents who's kids in matching red and green plaid numbers, who are sweating their ___'s off to make you think "oh great, the Christmas spirit has arrived." I am amazed at how calm we were considering the chaos. But, I am so happy and we got a few great shots of O in her cute little dress grandma bought her from France. (tres fasionable) Of course, as is Olivia's Law, her whole nap schedule was off... to top of it being excessively hot in there, the portrait studio running behind, Olivia hadn't really had a nap. I scheduled the appointment so she'd be fresh from her nap, but NOOOOO daddy had to let her sleep until 9am so everything got screwed up schedule wise. I am surprised we got the smiles we did from my poor baby. Lesson learned... don't try to plan anything around naps because it will never work out like it does in your head.
Now, it's quiet. Sunday afternoon. My baby's asleep. My husband's off running errands. I have a cup-o-joe in front of me and another blog in the bag. This is bliss. What do I do with myself? I guess I can pump. For those of you who were on pins and needles in the end-of-the-pump debate, I decided to get a new pump. When I found myself in the shower trying to squeeze out every last bit of milk that the manual pump didn't get...I decided I wasn't ready to give up. The pump goes on. Woo hoo.

Great, now I have to worry about ________

I have said this sentence in my head a lot lately. Olivia is expanding her culinary repertoire and pulling herself up to standing...which means I am finding out what I should not feed her and that she likes to stand, which means ...what goes up, must come down.
I don't know why,but I got all excited about feeding her hummus. Hummus is baby food in texture only. After a few bites, I noticed that she was getting some redness around her mouth. So, now I am freaking out that she is having an allergic reaction and that I may have to go tot he hospital shortly. Now I am in the state of panic for the next few hours to see if she can't breathe because her esophagus has swollen because I, the terrible mother, thought hummus was a good idea. Well, fortunately, she has lived to see another day..
I am currently in another state of panic because Olivia was pulling herself up and fell backwards and bumped her head. She cried the silent cry that only mommies can hear (they are so distraught no sound comes out but the silence shouts "you terrible mommy, you!") But, I shoved a sippy cup in her mouth and she sucked down some water and forgot all about it. Now, she is asleep and I have time to freak out about the fact she banged her head and all of the repercussions that may bring.
Then, I think, this ain't even the worst of it. I have YEARS of heart attacks waiting to happen. We were at a party yesterday with adults and children. The kids were running in and out of the house, going who knows where... and the parents were chatting away without a care in the world. I don't know how I can be that parent. How I can just let Olivia go off on her own with all of the crap that goes on in the world. I guess living with the guilt that if I don't she's going to end up far worse.... I'd like to think I'd be a cool mom, but I may need physical restraints to make it through.
The cherry on my Monday is: my breast pump is dying a slow death. It has given up. I guess that's a sign, but I am not ready to give up just yet... The thought of getting my period alone is making me dust off the manual pump. I am going to test it tonight to see exactly how miserable it is to manually pump and, subsequently, how desperate I am. Olivia has four months to her first birthday..... maybe I will consider it my daily workout. "How did you get those sexy arms?!" "Why, it's the manual breast pump I use!" Of course, I think the way that works is I will get the enormous, Popeye-esque, forearms that men go crazy over. Ah cah cah cah cah.

Olivia Updates

It seems my Olivia updates from her daddy will be coming to an end. Apparently, she is starting to become upset when he leaves after his brief visits to daycare during his lunch. I can’t imagine having her daddy visit her is doing more harm than good, but if it makes life harder for the daycare and Olivia, then I guess I will have to do without. I always look forward to my afternoon updates about what Olivia has been doing while we are apart. I also find it amusing to see what she is like from John’s perspective. Note the emphasis on the quantity and quality of her BM’s.
I have been keeping a log of his updates and have pasted them below for my records/our entertainment:
06.01.09 Olivia looks very happy and is watching the other kids. When I first got down there she looked at me then smiled. Generally they commented on how good she was and how much she smiled. Caretaker also commented on how fast she drank. Not 1st place but a close 2nd to another kid...
It was bit of a mad house at daycare this morning. Luckily, I got there just before the rush. Caretaker (Olivia's caretaker arrives at 9:30am) - Caretaker and the other lady are there until then. Olivia was watching the other kids when I left. I'll go back down at lunch.
06.03.09 I went down there for 20 or so minutes over lunch. Caretaker was giving her the 2nd bottle... First was at 9:30! Hope she has a long afternoon nap...
Anyway, I got Olivia to burp and she was happy looking around at the other kid, all who had just made a very big mess with lunch. I put her on the mat and showed her pictures and put her hands on the hanging toys. I turned away to talk to Caretaker and when I looked back Olivia had grabbed on of the toys hanging by her... that's something new. She got a bit crabby so I picked her up and she was happily looking at the other kids.
06.08.09 Looks like 3 naps ( 2 short, 1 long) this morning. Caretaker was just finishing with the 2nd bottle when I went down. Olivia smiled when she recognized me. Played with her for a bit. She was pretty chatty and grabbing the chain link toys. So, business as usual. I'm sure we'll start hearing actual words soon.
06.10.09 I got there as the 2nd bottle went down… Olivia smiled when she saw me… then a couple of big burps on my lap and a little came back up. Saved by the bib. Other than that it was the same as usual - smiley, happy and chatty. Caretaker is thinking she may have to tap my secret stash of formula. We shall see.
06.15.09 Went down at 1pm for ~20 mins. Olivia was just waking up and starring out the side of the crib. She seemed to recognize me then rolled onto her back and smiled/silent giggled. Of course she probably does the same for everyone. While Caretaker warmed the 2nd bottle, I took her out of the crib and played with her. She wanted to sit up and look around and was her normal happy smiley self. I left when Caretaker was ready to feed her.
　
06.17.09 It seems Caretaker is off today so they are tag-teaming down there. Since it was lunch time, with the associated chaos, I fed Olivia as she'd only had 1 bottle and was starting to look hungry. Luckily the bottle was being warmed. She downed the whole bottle pretty quickly without any fuss. I think the distraction of other kids really makes a difference. A couple big burps afterwards. There are two Asian babies boys who really do cry and fuss a lot. One was having a major meltdown. I thought Asian babies were supposed to be quiet? Against them, Olivia is an angel's angel. So, after feeding, I changed her (wet diaper) and put her on the mat and played a while. She was happy and chatty when I left.
06.22.09 Just went down to the nursery. Olivia was asleep with Caretaker in the rocking chair, after finishing her 2nd bottle (small + 1 big). It seems that the noise from the other kids keeps waking her up while in the crib but she's OK with Caretaker holding her. She may end up being cranky tonight.
Also, on the way in she was sneezing and coughing a bit, then fell asleep. She had clear snot down her face. It's either the pool or air conditioning. Fingers crossed that it stays clear else she has a cold… that will not be pretty.
06.29.09 Yeah, she gets on her tummy but they don't have the fancy mat. Just in case, I put her on her tummy over lunch. Drool everywhere. She seemed quite content but decided that after being put back on her back it was rather cry worthy so I sat her up so she could look around until Caretaker came with the 2nd bottle of the day.
07.08.09 I just popped down to the nursery where Caretaker was warming the 2nd bottle. It seems that Olivia slept until 10am this morning after falling asleep in the car. She had the 1st bottle and had another nap. Then there was a hula dancing thing earlier that she enjoyed. Olivia looked like she was tired. I expect that she'll wake up this evening… Seems like she's all out of whack…
07.13.09 Well, she was asleep so not much to report. Caretaker says she'd been sleeping since 10:45 after having the first bottle. She rolled onto her tummy and is sleeping that way. Funny how she cried at that the other day. Going into work she was chatty and alert when I dropped her off.
The caretakers keep commenting on how big she is… I think that's the height not the weight. She'll beef up once the solid food arrives… lookout Connor, Olivia's going to kick your butt.
07.15.09 For the 2nd time in row Olivia was sleeping when I went down. Looks like I now need to go down at 1pm rather than 12-12:30pm
It seems that she went on a buggy ride around the building (inside) as was sitting in the baby seat the front. Caretaker, or should I say Ms Caretaker, said she was looking around, smiling and enjoying it.
07.20.09 Talking of Olivia. It was bedlam at daycare this morning. I popped down at 10:30 to check on her but she was sleeping after her first bottle. I went down again at 1pm and she was just finishing her 2nd bottle. The daycare has an electric bottle warmer and it seems Olivia drinks the entire 6 oz with much fuss. I wonder if that's why she complains sometimes, i.e. the bottle isn't warm enough? Anyway, I stayed there for a while and she was happy - well other than crying when I picked her up one time...
07.22.09 Went down at 1pm. She'd recently woken up and was happily playing on the floor (on a blanket) and watching the other kids. Seems there was a buggy ride earlier. They went outside for a bit (before it rained) - apparently Olivia didn't like being on the grass. Anyway, 2nd bottle going down.
07.27.09 Olivia had a MASSIVE poo before we left this morning. Luckily the #2 diaper held the #2. She seemed quite happy going to daycare… I gave Caretaker a run down of the situation. Should be fine.
She was taking a nap when I was down a few minutes ago. Caretaker says she was a little fussy earlier but general doing fine - playing and taking the bottle. So, looks like the worst is over, until the next tooth.
07.29.09 Well, I succeeded in seeing Olivia awake. She'd just woken up around noon and was on the play mat. She was hungry so Caretaker gave her the 2nd bottle.
I thought she was going to have a meltdown in the car going in. Not sure what was up - probably just annoyed that the sun kept shining in. I figured it comes in through the rear quarter window. Problem is that none of the shades fit my rear windows very well. I'm thinking about getting the windows tinted so I can look like a pimp.
08.02.09 Well, I went down just before 1pm. She'd just woken up and was on the floor. She looked happy. Once I arrived the other kids swarmed over and I was having to stop one kid sitting/rolling on Olivia (not on purpose but because he's a rolly-polly kid). I left as Caretaker was giving her the 2nd bottle.
They have a new 2.5 month old baby down there. The picture on the door was scary but in person the kid's still pretty ugly...face like a fat pyramid. I think we lucked out as most of the other kids seem to be on the lower end of the looks curve.
08.17.09 On a lighter note... Olivia is having fun at daycare despite all the screaming going on down there - 2 kids are just ripping it up. They are all commenting on how big Olivia is getting. She's been rolling around and trying to crawl. 1st bottle at 10am followed by a nap. 2nd bottle at 1pm, which is when I left. I think the fussiness we are seeing is more hunger based than teething as she did the same thing shortly before being fed... but then again I could be wrong.
08.19.09 She was on the floor waving, staring and being quite as it was shortly after she'd eaten. They said she'd been chatting up a storm earlier. I'm sure it'll be another great day!
08.26.09 Well, I spent some time down there, which kicked off with the 2nd poo of the day. After that she was playing but I spent time fending off another little boy… he's a real troublemaker. Anyway, she was commando crawling etc and chewing on everything in sight. Caretaker took some pictures. She wants me to bring in a family picture or two for the wall. Also, we have a immunization form to fill out by Sept 16th. Pediatrician can fill that out when you go on Sept 11th.
08.31.09 She was the only one not crying/screaming when I went down. She had a big poo. Turns out they were out of wipes - I'd asked last week if they had enough. Oh well. Stole someone else's. Otherwise she was happy and chatty. I left when Caretaker gave her the 2nd bottle at ~1pm.
I did notice that one of the new infants looks like an old guy. Not quite Benjamin Button.
09.02.09 Big poo. Big front poo. That equated to a new outfit. 2 bottles down before I got down there about an hour ago. She only had 5oz from the 2nd bottle. In general she was playing on the floor the whole time I was there - I had her sit up and carried her a little. She was pretty happy.
09.09.09 I went down there for about 20-30 mins. Played with Olivia on the floor. The other 2 kids that were up and about joined in. I'm the friggin' pied piper. She was happy and "crawling" around. I got her to sit up and she sometimes props herself up to stop from falling. Sometimes.
09.14.09 I went down there and Caretaker was trying to get a picture of Olivia crawling around. I helped out. Played with her for a while (stacked cups etc) then headed back when it was feeding time. The drive in was an adventure... I tried to feed Olivia before I left as she was complaining. Only took a little. 15 mins later... crying. Managed to feed another 3oz from the front seat while waiting for a freight train to pass - long arms help. Close to work - more crying. I guess she couldn't see out the window or something as she was fine when pulled in to the daycare.
09.16.09 3/4 the way to work the meltdown started. She finished the bottle by the time we got to daycare. Yes I can feed and drive at the same time.
I went down around 1pm. She'd just had a nap and had 2 bottles. She was happily playing with a large rattle and crawling around. Her crawling form is improving. She seems to like hanging out with one of the other older girls - another happy kid. They "share" toys. Olivia like watching her walk/stumble around. No reports of poo. I'm sure it'll be another great day. Not for the kid that screams non-stop when she's not being held in the other infant room. I wonder what her reports are like? Holy cow!
09.21.09 I went to see Olivia at noon. Spent 30 mins down there. She’d just had "the big one" according to Caretaker. Poo that is. It seems it took 1 hour to finish the ½ jar this morning. Caretaker, said she’d open her mouth then change her mind. Caretaker would put the food away then try again when Olivia started opening her mouth. They feed the kids on their laps. I guess it makes it easier than having them stuck in a chair for 1 hour. Olivia had 4oz milk a bit later and a 1 hour nap.
09.28.09 I was the 1st to daycare this morning… everyone was late. Anyway, Olivia was playing with some blocks on the floor when I went down at lunch. She’d had peaches this morning and 4/6 oz. The "big one" arrived shortly after that, which answered why she was in a different outfit… I thought I’d put some long sleeve clothes in her crib but I guess not. Probably had to change her once and brought it home. She does have the yellow blanket but I may pop out and buy something.
09.30.09 It looks like a bunch of kids are sick. Great! Also, I really do not like Gabriel. He acts like an attention starved bully plus he’s also sick. He was playing by himself but just had to come and take the toys from Olivia when I was there. Then he sits down right in front of her. Did the same to another baby. I think I’ll have to talk to Caretaker about him. Kids!
Well, she was asleep. Seems like she’d just nodded off before I got down there at 12:15. 1st nap of the day! It seems that she was crawling all over the place then complaining about being tired. She had peaches. Went well. No poo report. The outfit was a hit.
10.05.09 Well, she was asleep when I got there but woke up with all the noise from the other kids not wanting to sleep. She played a bit then Caretaker was going to put her back down after her bottle. Funny, that she plays with the other kids. A young baby was lying by the mirror and she crawled over to him and started playing next to him. She’s a social butterfly.
10.07.09 I went down to daycare at 12:15. Olivia was asleep. Then she woke up. It was quiet. I think she hears me as the same happened on Monday. It’s quite comical as she is peering out of the crib to see who’s around. Then she cries. I should start going down later again. I took her out of the crib and she was happily playing and crawling around. It seems that she ate the entire container of fruit w/cereal AND the bottle. However; the containers you bought are larger than the ones I originally got from Jewel. Perhaps 1/3 larger. Caretaker said she’ll experiment. We got Olivia to do a goodbye wave. Also, Caretaker said that they teach infant sign language after 9/10 months.
Anyway, after 30mins I headed out with the odor of a large poo in the air.
10.12.09 The word of the day is poo. There was a poo-ette when we arrived. One during the morning and a larger, softer one over lunch. The latter had green hue. Good news is that she had all of the prunes... as the results attest.
When I walked in she was sitting up. She saw me and smiled. Ahhh.
Anyway, a bit of playing later and another little girl came over. Looks like in the battle over some bubble wrap Olivia got a scratch on her head from the other girl's nails. Accident. Olivia didn't cry. No broken skin. Kids will be kids…
10.14.09 Got to daycare. Fine. I was putting the bottles in the fridge and Olivia started crying when Caretaker said hello. Anyway, I think she was just tired and hungry as she’d fallen asleep in the car. Caretaker said finished the small bottle and took a nap shortly afterwards.
At lunch, she was crawling all over the place making a lot of noise (as she does). Seems she had all the food & cereal and bottle(s). Medium poo at lunch. Anyway, she was happily playing when I left. Fun times.
10.19.09 So, I went down before going to the gym at lunch. Olivia had just woken up from an almost 2hr nap (did not fuss). She ate (solid) at 9:30. At
noon she was ready for her 1st bottle. She was happily crawling around
I popped in after the gym and she'd had the entire bottle (was hungry).
She was still crawling around and was actually looking out the window when I arrived. Too funny. They were commenting how she was the best baby today. Then, she started to fuss when I left - she was looking out the window at me. I went back in, picked her up. I then put her on
Caretaker's lap which seemed to do the trick. Note that Caretaker was going to
give her the 2nd solid around 3pm ish.
10.21.09 Well it was a quick visit after the gym as I was bookended with conference calls. Olivia was happily playing on the floor and sitting up. She’d had 2 BMs (small and large). She then dropped another….
Early on she ate all her food and had a bottle. 2nd bottle was due. I may pop down in a bit.
10.26.09 Olivia was in her crib when I went down but not napping. I took her out and she was happy as a clam sitting and climbing up. I played peek-a-boo with a book and got some belly laughs. She seems to like large yellow books as that’s what she had and what she gets out (pulls from under the coffee table) at home.
Note that the dam was broken with a little help from our friend the prune.
Caregiver said that she eats well. Maybe it’s the high chair as they feed the kids on their laps. Also, Caregiver asked if she could give Olivia some (broken up) Cheerios as she noticed that Olivia had grabbed some when the older kids were eating at the table.

Christmast Wish-List

Olivia is pulling herself up to standing! The girl has not even gotten to crawl "normally" (aka with her stomach off the ground) and she is standing up! Our makeshift couch-cushion barricades' days are coming to an end. I will hang on to my freebie creation for as long as I can/ it is safe.

Okay, now that I am on the topic of bragging, I think of Christmas letters. You know, the ones you get from Uncle Bob or Aunt Sally about how Janie is getting straight A's at Harvard and make you feel totally inadequate... Well, now that I have a child, I get to start the brag letter. But, I really don't want to be a hypocrite, because I generally roll my eyes (and feel totally inadequate) so I am not going to create a brag Christmas letter about Olivia, but write down my hopes and dreams for the woman she will become. Who knows, hopefully I will make a few accurate predictions. (Besides, if I actually bragged about how amazing my baby is... :-) )

Olivia - I hope that you have a great childhood. I hope that you find friends with wild imaginations and go exploring...even if it is within the confines of your own house. (Of course, this will mean that I will have to get over my extreme anxiety about letting you out of my sight, but I will suffer...for you) My best friend, Kata and I would find enjoyment in a puddle in front of her house, or create a whole world in her backyard. These are the best memories I have of childhood and I wish that for you. When they say the best things in life are free, it is mostly true.

I hope that you study and work hard in school. I think I did alright in school, but I always wish I had worked harder. Ironically, the more work you do in the front end, the easier you have it in the real world. When you have the intellect and determination, you can do nothing but succeed. Everyone respects passion and will do anything to support it. Since everything I have done in my life has lead up to you and John, I can't say I'd take it back...but when you have the whole world in front of you, I hope you take every opportunity to make the most of it. It is possible to work hard and play hard. On the other hand, if you chose to give up... you will pay for it eventually. Whether it's doing work you hate just to pay the bills. And, nothing, no matter how much it pays will make you happy if you regret. Don't give regret a chance.

I hope that you do not settle for anything less than complete happiness when it comes to choosing your mate. There are things about someone you may overlook while you are dating because you feel safe in the fact that you have someone..but will become excessively annoying if you live with it for the rest of your life. That is not to say scrutinize everything you dislike about this person, but if they don't respect you or themselves and don't adhere to the previous paragraph, then you will also pay in the end. I remember when I was younger, going through so much pain because someone dumped me...but now that I think about it, thank GOD. Why, because I have a man who I think is wonderful and, because of that, I have you. I am proud to have given you a man who will be an amazing dad. If I never become a great architect or ridiculously wealthy, I already did something I couldn't be prouder of. Please, make sure you can say that to your son or daughter...and to yourself. You could be the cash-poorest couple on the planet, living in the tiniest one-bedroom apartment and be completely happy or be the wealthiest woman alive living in a mansion somewhere and be miserable.

I am sure running will be a part of your life...and swimming if I have anything to do with it. I can't wait to see you run with your dad and be a star swimmer and runner. Again, work hard at it. Don't give half of yourself to anything.... You could never disappoint me or you if you give your all. You may not always win, but medals aren't the reason to give your best. I worked hard at swimming in high school. I even got an "award" for it. I never made it to state, but I am still a pretty darn good swimmer. I recently ran into a high school track teammate who went to state...she no longer runs at all. Don't do it for the glory...do it for yourself.

I hope that you travel the world. Don't wait to go somewhere until (fill in the blank). Granted, your grandparents afforded me much more travel than most young girls could get, but I will do everything in my power to allow you the same wonderful experiences. That is why I am already trying to teach you Spanish, French and Italian. I want you to see the world and be a part of it...not just a tourist. One of my biggest regrets is that I am not fluent in any other language. I can get by, and that's fine, but I feel there is a whole world out there I missed. Language is your key to unlocking so many doors. Even if it's just to know what others are gossiping about when they think you can't understand ;-)

Above all, Olivia, I wish that you would EAT MY FOOD! ;-)

I think I will leave this letter open ended and add to it when I think of things I want to add to my wish list.

To be continued...

Love, Mom

Finger Foods

I figured out how to get Olivia to open her mouth. (This didn't work before, but it worked this morning) Just put the food on my finger and have her eat it off that. She actually opens wide for my finger...of course then she chomps down on my finger and those two bottom teeth don't feel so hot. I am excited that it worked (finally), but now I am concerned that I have nailpolish on and I may poison her. Well, lesson learned. Now I just need to find something to protect my finger from being gauged by the baby teeth and we're golden.
I also found that she eats Gerber baby food. Not with enthusiasm, but I was able to get it all in her mouth (on her bib/face/hands/the chair). I now know what defeat and excitement feel like when experienced in unison.
Also, the whole solid food thing is throwing off her eating schedule. She's too full to have a bottle before she goes to sleep, so she's starving at 11pm. (Just when I fall asleep) Then at 1am. Ugh, it's like I have a newborn all over again. We're going to have to play with this solid food eating schedule. Now I understand why the book I have recommends feedings at breakfast and lunch.

Nerve-ana

I had one of those "aha" moments just now and I am a little pissed. But, before I rant and rave, I need to speak glowingly of the progress and regress we've made with Olivia. Olivia has been starting to say "dada" (More like "dadadadadadadadada"). I know, in reality, she's just discovered how to make new sounds come out of her mouth and is running with it..but I can't help feel a little neglected. Those three months of maternity leave, all of that breastfeeding, pumping, loving her, playing with her...obsessing over her multilingualism and she starts by giving homage to her dada. I mean, I love him, but I think I deserve some props here. Isn't nirvana the enlightenment attained by the loss of one's self...one's ego? Well, I have no ego left and I am a little pissed about it (probably negates the enlightened end of things doesn't it?) so I have acheived nerve-ana.
Of course, I am ecstatic that she is attaining all of these baby milestones. I am sure I will get over the "rejection", but why else do we blog if not to rant?
Like I have said before, we have started solids. Olivia is embracing solids with the gusto of a vegetarian at Mortons...that is to say, not at all. Apparently she can't say "mama" but she can purse her lips in refusal of the baby food I so lovingly made for her. Where does she learn to purse her lips at 6 months? Don't I get a couple of years before that form of rejection?!
Of course, I am panicking. Am I going to be the first mom that can't ween her baby on to solids? I have not heard about this being a problem for anyone! So, in between rejections, I turn to google for hope and help. Luckily, I find that I am not alone. Unfortunately, most of the responses are: "Try finger foods, my baby went straight to finger foods and loves it!". Well, Olivia is having none of that either. I am almost beginning to wonder if I should have foregone my pediatrician's recommendation to wait until 6 months and just started her on solids when my gut told me she was ready...when she was still malleable and joyfully accepting new things. Now, I see a hint of food and stranger danger. I fear I waited too long. How does one know when to listen to their gut and when to listen to the professional. He has his own kids after all, he wouldn't be saying this to torture me. (Would he?)
So this is where I get pissed. Why is it that I have to Google to find out that there are other mothers who have my issues? It seems, and maybe I notice it a lot more lately, that none of my mommy girlfriends tell me about the problems they have with their babies/pregnancy/birth until I experience it for myself? So, maybe I am the only one who's baby is rejecting solids..but what about the other stuff. Why is it that we, and, yes, I am putting myself in that category (but not on the same level) speak about the highs AND the lows of babies. Even if I never experience the same issues, at least I am mentally and maybe physically prepared. I didn't get that memo to just brag and never bitch....unless asked. Ask not tell not. This ain't the army, this is motherhood for crying out loud. This is our children...OUR sanity...our future. I am not judging you for not being perfect...I am thanking you for the head's up.
Well, thank goodness for my friend, Kata, who put breast pads in my cart when we were shopping for baby stuff while I was pregnant. "you'll need these." (and not waiting for me to call her up complaining how I leaked all over my favorite top, for example.) No pregnancy book tells you to stock up on breast pads before you give birth... we need our friends to prepare us for the un-sexy side of motherhood. I feel like I did and am doing a significant amount of reading during and after pregnancy and there are still big gaps in reality vs literary-land. I need you, my friends..'fess up!!!
The reason I am so flipping mad about this is that I am reading "Bad Mother" by Ayelet Waldman. In her first chapter she chides us woman for being mum about the bad side of motherhood...and it got me thinking about how much I am finding out about motherhood from my friends by complaining and then they say "oh yeah, that happened to me."
I also just had a realization that this goes all the way back to trying to get pregnant. WHY did I find out that it is actually NOT easy to get pregnant for some women after finding it difficult myself? Why are these women hidden away in the Internet or in late-night support groups (like the yoga for fertility group I attended.) Granted, I was overreacting a little, but panicking because this was uncharted territory in my world of "you'll get pregnant if he looks at you funny without a condom." Why am I finding out when I am in the throws of trying to get pregnant/pregnancy/mommyhood that there are people I know who've been through it all and didn't want to talk about it... I mean, unless you are doing something dangerous or illegal, there is no shame in imperfection! The one thing I hate more than football is Monday morning quarterbacking.
Okay, now I feel better. I am going to go play with my perfect daughter.

You are now free to crawl about the cabin

Olivia celebrated her .5 years of life two days ago. I can’t believe how far we’ve come (and how far we have to go). Tonight I plan on starting her on solid foods…at least trying anyway. John and I thought about starting yesterday, but since we were all a bit frazzled from our first family vacation via airplane, we quickly decided not to throw another life altering scenario into the mix.
“I am not traveling with a baby for a LONG time!” Exclaimed John yesterday after many defeated attempts to put Olivia down for a nap. Everyone’s day had been thrown completely off by an early AM flight back home. All in all, it went pretty well, compared to the screamfest it could have been. But we had bottles and pacifiers a-ready to pop into Olivia’s mouth on the first signs of pain. That said, even with all of the distractions we could provide ourselves with, we forgot our human sized prophylactics to protect us from the cesspool that is a plane. All three of us have colds now. This, after Olivia and I had just recovered from our last cold. Nothing like feeling like you have been hit by a truck to make you ready to handle a 6 month old who won’t nap. Luckily, she went to bed last night without a hitch and pretty much slept through until 7am. She needs her beauty sleep for the evening of solid foods ahead. That’s a topic for my next blog…as I am sure it will be interesting. She better not be a picky eater….after all she was birthed from me, a food-o-phile.
As I mentioned, we just took our first family trip to visit my awesome friend, Beth and her husband. We had a long weekend jam packed with a BBQ tour of Texas. It was a real test for John, O and my ability to throw schedule to the wind and just enjoy our vacation. For the most part, it went well. I managed to not have to pump in a random parking lot or strange bathroom, as I feared. Olivia did seem to lose her appetite while we were there (perhaps bbq breastmilk isn’t the best combo in the world…), but otherwise seemed to be doing fine. I was worried that all of this gloating I have been doing about what a wonderful baby she is would be proven false when exposed to the world stage, but Olivia took it all in stride like a pro….until we returned home and all of this change caught up with all of us.
I have been thinking, of late, how much I would like to have another baby. After all, it’s supposed to be easier (to deliver) the second time around. And then, there are moments like yesterday when you just can’t stop spinning as there is so much to get done and you have to drop it all to make sure Olivia is safe and happy. This, I am afraid, is what it’s like to have two children. You just don’t have enough time, energy and brainpower to keep your house quasi-inhabitable and not make your baby feel abandoned, consequently screwing her up for life when you are running on fumes from lack of sleep and the onset of cold #2. I don’t know how anybody does it. And then there’s that women on TLC who is on baby 19…. I think it’s in everyone’s best interest to just make sure Olivia makes it to toddlerhood before I gamble on another baby. (ONE WEEK LATER)
Olivia has now been on “solids” for one week. I can’t believe how simple it is to make baby food. I love it. Of course, it’s completely uncreative (water+fruit/veggie), but there is something about making it myself that I love. But, there is a catch. Because I made the food, I get totally offended that Olivia has not immediately taken to gobbling it up. In fact, it took her a week to even eat most everything. I get a lot of winces (sour faces) at the first bite. I know this is totally new for her, but I can’t help but take it personally. I had this image in my mind of Olivia opening her mouth in delight, awaiting the next bite of food. The reality is, I get a lot of pursed lips, hands blocking her face, spitting out food all over her bib…I think the bib gets more food than she does! And this whole rumor that once they start solids they sleep through the night is a total farce. (In O’s case, anyway) She has now take to waking up at 4am, hungry for a bottle. I mean, she feeds and goes right back to bed, but now I am awake and I only have an hour left to get some shuteye before I start my day. (Because 4am does not a functional person make).
Olivia is also crawling up a storm. I recently went to Buy Buy Baby to stock up on babyproofing paraphanalia. It’s almost comical the wall of paranoia that is all the gadgets you could buy to babyproof your home. One doesn’t know where to begin or stop! So, I grabbed a combo pack and a few outlet covers to get started. The baby gate is next…but at least we can use pillows until I figure out what is best for our house.

Baby Gates and Headaches

It’s happening. O is beginning to army crawl (aka crawl without lifting her mid-section off the ground). We all know crawling is just around the corner and that means I can no longer walk away from her and be confident that she’ll be in the same place and out of mischief/danger. In a way I want this to happen because it’s just another checkmark off the list of things she’s supposed to be doing before she’s 1. Personally I encourage her to crawl knowing that she “should” at some point because I am impatient. I will admit it. I get slightly concerned about what she needs to be doing at her age and then as soon as she shows some minor sign of attempting to do it, I clear the floor and give her room to groove. Of course, it’s not all me…since this eventually happens in it’s own time, but all I am saying is I am glad we’re starting to see her work at it. And, if I were truly truly honest with myself about the whole milestone obsession it's because I have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I have this amazing baby I almost constantly feel like I don't deserve. (While I do acknowledge that this may all just be a well-deserved rest before she becomes a teenager.)After speaking with my friend last night, though, I realized that this means baby-gates. It’s amazing the amount of space such a small person can take over in our already tight space. The pack and play alone is half our living room. Now baby gates?! You know what this says: “your house is a deathtrap”. It’s amazing how you’ve learned to live in a place for so long and have this go unnoticed. I liken it to walking by the Chateau du Versailles every day on the way to school when I was studying abroad. You get used to seeing it you forget that it’s kinda important. Next on my list: eating solids, sitting unsupported, and saying “mama”. Regarding the solids: I see parents feeding their babies solids all the time, so it can’t be that hard a concept to grasp, but it still is sending me into panic mode. How the heck am I going to start this? How much, how often? Fruits, grains, veggies? Should I make it myself? I am strongly considering making my own baby food. My friend and fellow hot mama said that it’s a half an hour on a weekend for food for a week. That sounds appealing to me. I mean, I do love to cook, so this should be a labour of love… Then there’s how to work this out with daycare. I am sure they’ll be able to figure it out before I do…being experts and all…but it is still the road untraveled for me. It’s not just breastmilk (or formula) anymore. That’s another thing I was thinking about yesterday…breastfeeding (yes, again.) I have gotten so used to pumping, wearing breast pads, having sensitive nipples, being “full” in the morning that I think I am now going to miss it if I stopped. (since we are nearing the 6 month mark, it is something I am contemplating). It’s like when you’re pregnant, you get used to being huge and having to pee all of the time you forget what life was like without it. While we’re on the topic…another side affect of breastfeeding/giving birth that no one tells you about is that you get dry “down there”. I forget what the doctor told me as to why this is the case, but maybe it has something to do with nature making sure you take care of one baby before you try again.. Anyway, I discussed this with my doctor and she gave me a script for a cream. (The name escapes me right now) but this (really expensive, even AFTER insurance) After I got my prescription filled, I come to find out that this cream is for menopausal women. (insert joke here.) WHAT did this baby do to me?!?!?! Upon further reading, in the hard-to-miss side-effects page is that this cream can cause headaches and, wait for it, decreased interest in sex. So, you are no longer dry down there, but who gives a crap? Could they make any drug that actually cures the symptom without decreasing the reason why you are medicating in the first place? When you have to question if the benefits of a drug outweigh the “mild cases of death” you might experience? Not to mention, the obvious question: HOW does one get a headache from a cream applied to the nether-region? Fortunately, it’s day one after my first use of this cream and I don’t feel headaches…so maybe I dodged that bullet. On the other hand, what’s a headache or two when you haven’t had your period in 15 months and counting?
I'll finish with a funny story: (that has to do with, you guessed it, breastfeeding). Since I have been pumping for going on 3 months now, I have abandoned all timidity when it comes to doing it at work. I have long since stopped going to another part of the building to a sorely underutilized public conference room, to the conference room in our office, right next to my boss. Now, there may as well not be any walls for the amount of acoustic-blocking value the partitions have in our office. I guess it's mostly a visual thing because it ain't acoustical. So, I am sure he can hear each suck in and out of the pump. Why am I so sure about this? Well, he seems to now be well aware of my need to pump as he scheduled two back to back meetings this morning and joked about me having some time to go back to the office to "what-is-it....pump?"

Observation

One of the things I keep forgetting to comment on is how much Olivia enjoys watching what's going on around her. Especially as it pertains to other babies. I keep imagining that she is taking it all in and learning the ropes of babydome. She loves to watch other kids at daycare and she loves to watch me as I eat in front of her. Sometimes she'll make like she's chewing. I love that she's so observant, as it means to me like she's an avid learner. I just can't wait to see how this evolves as she grows up....how this affects her career choices.
Ironically, she is not big on looking at herself in the mirror. When I bring her to a mirror in our house, she smiles (boy, do I love that smile) and she turns her head to look at something else. I mean, she is unbelievably cute...perhaps it's too much for her ;-)

This is what we live for!

Almost...

Olivia is moving to that next stage in babyhood where she is trying to crawl. She's got the rolling over part down-town. But she is never satisfied with the status quo. Now, when on her belly, she tries to stick her knees into her stomach and push herself forward. Unfortunately, without the arm part of the scenario, she is mostly face planting...but I gotta give her props for trying. I guess we need to do some arms and abs workouts. That will be how I make my millions...baby workout videos.
My new obsession is baby language dvd's and cd's. I have found some really good ones at the library (my new best friend). I am hoping that this really gives her a leg up in the language department. I still regret not being bilingual. I mean, I can get by in Spanish, but I should be fluent with a Cuban father and a fluent mother. The good thing is, Olivia now has a Cuban grandfather and fluent grandmother and we can make up for lost time... I hope.
I am already so proud of my baby. I would like to attribute how wonderful she is to my stellar parenting skills, but since I am just making this up as I go...I really can't do that. Perhaps I lucked into the perfect combination of daycare...the one at John's work and my parents. Perhaps it's breastfeeding. Perhaps it's that I never solely breastfed or formula-fed. Perhaps it was cosleeping. (the last one is not recommended by the American Pediatric Society. But, I have to say a big "Screw that" to them since my baby is now an angel in the sleeping department....most nights I just put her in her crib and she sooths herself to sleep...no pacifier...no music...)
I realize I talk a lot about breastfeeding. I am not sure if it's me or if it's all woman who have "working" boobs that become obsessed with them. It's hard not to. A) They're bigger B)They're pretty damn sensitive C)Nothing like pumping to make you see your boobs in a very non sexy way. Well, it has come to five months and one week of Olivia's time on earth and my breastfeeding. (I mostly pump now and she feeds via bottle). I notice that my production is drying up. She usually has about 6 ounces a feed now and I produce 3-4 ounces per pump. (Suck is a better term for it...on so many levels).
At 6 months is the time when she can start on solids. (So says my pediatrician) I am having a huge internal debate on whether I should give up the breastfeeding at this time or keep going....I mean, my boobs seem to be giving up, why shouldn't I? It would be nice not to have to worry about what I drink or pumping before working out (because working out on full boobs is NOT comfortable), or pumping at work and having to carry around my milk with me on job sites because it can't sit, baking, in the car. But is that a good trade-off for free and good nutrients for Olivia? Is that a good trade off for my bigger boobs (well, I should say boob, because the left one has never produced more than an ounce or two), no period (yes, ladies...no period) and the calorie burning? Then, there's the fact that I should consider myself really lucky I can produce milk. It seems giving up is a slap in the face to those who tried and wanted, but their bodies made the decision for them. I guess the answer lies somewhere in between...I think I am going to stop pumping at work after Olivia's six month mark. Maybe.

Hello, my name is overprotective mother or how my baby aged me by years in one weekend

This has been the worst weekend so far in my experience as a mother. All of you other mothers are probably thinking "just wait", but in my almost-five-months as a mom, this has been the worst experience I have had.
All of the baby books, baby websites and pediatricians will tell you that, at four months, your baby may start to teeth. My pediatrician said that it's a genetic trait whether or not she teeths early, so, based on my nephew, I thought I had MONTHS before I saw the first signs of O's pearly whites. When she slept through the night this past week (and I mean slept until 7 am, not this 5am-sleeping-through-the-night-for-babies sleeping through the night) I thought to myself, "well, this is going to all go out the window when she starts teething, so I better take advantage now." Little did I know how MUCH advantage I should have taken when the MONTHS I thought I had were actually days if not hours.
This past Friday started like any other day in new-mommyhood. Because it was Friday, I was ready to spend the whole day with my baby and not really do much in the way of chores because I felt like I needed a break and wanted to start my weekend off relaxed. So, I got both of us dressed and went to Babies R Us to get some window shades for John's car (among other things that you all of a sudden think you NEED when you are surrounded by baby stuff...I almost bought a bottle warmer (totally extravagant and unnecessary item) but I restrained myself, for this is not the economy to be extravagant). Then, I got home and realized that I didn't get a discount on an item they advertised as on sale and called to complain (another story for another day, needless to say, Babies R Us is now on my SH#$ list.) At some point after that, I went to pick up Olivia and noticed that she was crying in pain (ala just got a vaccine shot cry). Uh oh.
I made myself lunch and noticed that she was continuing to cry in pain when I picked her up. This is not normal! I have a perfect, happy baby who never complains... Then I went through all of the medical dramas that I had been watching and just started to think the worst. What if she has some bone disease?! (Yes, one goes to the extremes when it comes to their child) What if I held her wrong and she broke something?
So I called my dad hoping that, with his medical expertise, he could tell me what was wrong and that I don't need to worry. Instead, he told me to go right to the pediatrician. (holy crap). So, I got in my car and went to the pediatrician. Unfortunately, Olivia's pediatrician was not on staff on Friday so I actually saw my nephew's doctor. She poked and prodded Olivia. She held the stethoscope over Olivia's hands to see if she would reach for it (and, thank GOODness, she did). But she also was concerned at how Olivia would cry in pain when touched in certain places on her chest and arm. And, as an added bonus, Olivia was now not moving her left arm.
In all that examining, I noticed that Olivia's bottom teeth were coming in. Because, as we all know, when it rains, it pours. Now, I want to believe that the doctor actually was concerned that Olivia could have a fracture and was not taking advantage of a concerned new mom, so I will go with that (although in hindsight, I feel like we all overreacted in a major way). So, she sent me to radiology at the local hospital for Olivia to get x-rays. Now was time to panic. Apparently, babies can have fractures and not have any physical, visible symptoms.
John and my dad met me at the hospital as we waited for the results. The radiologist came out to talk to me and said that there was nothing on her x-rays and that she understood how difficult this must be because she was a new mom herself and it must be hard not to know what is wrong with your baby. A little ray of sunshine on what was beginning to be a thunderstorm of a day. So, I spoke with the pediatrician about the results and she told me to come in the next day if things continued.
As it turns out, Olivia's symptoms improved and I thought we were trending on recovery. (Still not knowing what was wrong with her) At 2am on Saturday, Olivia awoke, screaming in pain and she was hot to the touch and even more sensitive to being touched. A rectal thermometer reading later, she had a fever of 102.1. Now was the time to wake up whatever pediatrician was on call. This pediatrician turned out to be the same lady who examined Olivia in the hospital where she was born. (It all comes full circle). She told me to give her Tylenol every four hours until the fever went down.
I ended up "sleeping" with Olivia in the glider because she was just screaming in pain when I put her in the crib. "Poor little blighter" as John would say. I say "sleeping" in quotes because it was not exactly the most comfortable position to sleep in and I was freaking out that I might fall asleep and drop my baby. Luckily that did not happen.
The next day, Olivia woke up feeling much cooler, but still sensitive to being touched. She progressively got better, so I gave her a bath right before her follow-up appointment with the pediatrician. After another round of poking and prodding, they did a urine sample (via catheter...my poor little baby). And when the urine sample turned out normal, the doctor told us she wanted to get blood tests just to rule out any bacterial infection because a fever of 102.1 was above the "Low-grade" fever that is associated with teething. Of course, it was our decision whether we just wanted to wait and see if she got better (aka be bad parents) or be good parents and rule out any worst-case scenarios. Of course, we wanted to be good parents.
At the hospital, for the second time, as if Olivia hadn't been through enough, she had to have more needles...more pricks and prods. The doctor did not get enough blood on the first round, so she needed even another needle in her heel. My brave little baby. She cried, but also smiled and did not hate me afterwards....or so I hope. Of course, the results were all normal. It's good that she was fine, but bad that we still didn't know what was wrong with her.
The more the day progressed, Olivia seemed to get better on her own and I could resume picking her up and holding her without cries of pain. I started thinking to myself "It is too much of a coincidence that she's getting this fever (and the aches and pains associated with fever) and she's teething to think that those things couldn't be related). I can't believe all of these tests we just went through and this is probably just an "abnormal" reaction to teething. Oh woe is me, I just got used to not getting a bill from the hospital every other day. But, at least I am not in full panic mode. I guess it's better to feel like a fool when it comes to your baby than be on the other end of not knowing.
Now that she is teething, though, we are back to her newborn sleeping patterns of waking every three hours. Last night was pretty rough for all involved. I am still deciding whether I should be glad this happened on the weekend on my watch or if I should be totally selfish and be sad that my weekend went by and all I have to show for it is greasy hair and hairy legs for not having showered for two days straight. Is that TMI? TOUGH! I have just been through hell and back. On the bright side, my baby is okay. That is all that matters in the end.

Schedule Schmedule

In an effort to expose my baby to art and life in all formats, her/our schedule has gone completely haywire. So far, Olivia has survived unscathed as far as sleeping has gone, but I fear my boobs are mad at me. She is of the age where she can drink 6 ounces of boob juice or formula in one sitting and I am currently pumping 4-5. Luckily I have reserves to keep on top of this, but I am starting to panic (which probably isn't helping). I read that it takes 3 days to really f-up your production and I think this weekend was teetering on the danger zone of drying up.
I mentioned the Art Institute and the next day was Ravinia and then we went to Racine to watch Auntie Chrissy and Uncle Jeff kick a$$ in the half ironman (last year, the race I was training for when I found out I was knocked up). In spite of my new found confidence in breastfeeding in public, Olivia has a new found preference for the faster, artificial nipple. (sigh).
So, on top of regressing in production, I am resigned to pumping. Lemme tell you. I am beginning to feel like those cows you see hooked up to the milking machines with that look of it's-not-just-sucking-my-milk-but-also-my-soul look on their faces. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that I am helping my baby be the best that she can be.... and burning calories. I do have to say, though, that whenever I open the fridge, I have a whole new appreciation for that gallon of milk sitting on the shelf.
Don't ever get smug or over confident that you have the best baby on the planet and can go anywhere with him/her. There will always be some situation to prove you wrong. That situation, for me, was taking Olivia to Ravinia this past Saturday night. On top of it being a gorgeous evening, we were going to see the CSO perform Beethoven's 9th. CLASSICAL music. Who can't be lulled to sleep with cool breezes and classical music?! Olivia, that's who. This baby, who fell asleep in the middle of a noisy restaurant screamed bloody murder right at the most beautiful moments in Beethoven's 9th aka Ode to Joy aka the music that they always play for explosion sequences in movies. I honestly think she was saving all of that pent up anger for this moment. Of course, it could be the fact that it was her bed time and she was cranky, but, in my defense, she gave me the impression that all she could sleep anywhere in any position.
So, I am tempting fate by considering taking her to listen to Flamenco at the Botanic Gardens. John seems to think that this is a bad idea. But, everybody deserves a second chance, right?

Now THAT's a work of art!

This week has been a lot of same ol' same ol' until today. My mom accompanied me to the city to the dentist and then to the modern wing at the Art Institute.
I was dreading the dentist due to the fact that my poor dental care skills have declined since having a baby. Hopefully I am not alone in this. Luckily, though, I got away with just a few complaints about my "staining" due to coffee. Look man, I deserve these battle scars you call teeth stains. As long as there is nothing about to fall out, I am golden.
Then we went to the Art Institute to check out this new modern wing by Renzo Piano. As an architect, I must make the pilgrimage. As a mom who wants to make her baby a renaissance-woman (aka genius at everything) I wanted to show O another world.
So, we get to the museum and I have to pee right away. On our way to the restroom, a large black lady stops me and says "Now THAT's a work of art!" (pointing at O) Yes, yes she is ;-)
Then we make our way through the modern wing, blah blah and then go for lunch at the museum's cafeteria. Toward the end of lunch. I keep staring at my hooter hider thinking I should try and feed O because if I don't my production will dry up because I haven't fed her (don't worry, she wasn't starving because she had a bottle earlier). It is amazing how much I panic about that lately. I am way too aware of the time because I cannot miss a pumping session or La Leche league will send me a strongly worded letter and my reserves will dry up (or so they say.) Anyway, I decided to put the hooter hider on and feed O in public. I figure, THESE people are open minded...it's not like there aren't enough boobs on display in the modern wing. I mean, no one was staring or anything...no one said anything, but it's still extremely strange to me to know that there is a baby attached to my boob and I am in the middle of a museum. I actually recommend you try it one day. It makes you feel very aware of yourself...very alive...probably like skydiving, only, safer.
I have a rant about the scare tactics that new moms have to go through, one of them being breastfeeding all of the time or your production will disappear, but I actually don't have time for that right now.

5am is sooooo last month. 2am is the new black.

I couldn't decide which title I wanted to use for this blog, so you get both. Time is of the essence when O is napping, so I can't waste it on picking favorites.
I am pretty sure diaper rashes are a big red flag that you are a terrible mother because you don't change your baby's diaper enough...or, that is how I feel. Olivia gave us a small glimmer of hope with the dirty diaper every other day scenario, but now is back on poo-per-view (oh I crack myself up). I KNOW I didn't change my eating habits, but something is making her go ALL of the time. Hence, the diaper rash that won't quit. Desitin and I are becoming close buds.
John, Google and I have almost figured her out, though with the increased appetite and increased sleepiness, she is going through a growth spurt. It would probably make me feel better to actually measure her to see if that is the case, but why do that when the pediatrician is going to do that today. I am pretty sure he will confirm our suspicions that all of this craziness is due to the fact that we have a growing baby on our hands and she is NOT, any other really bad thing that I can think of to make me lose sleep at night. I am my fathers daughter and I always think of the worst possible scenarios until I am told differently, by a reliable source.
Needless to say, I have been in a bad-mommy slump this past week because my daughter is excreting something out of most of her orifices and I can't do much to stop it. The good part about young babies is that they can't really move much so you can put them down and be confident they won't run away. The bad part about young babies is that most any medication is verboten. Vaporizers probably only make you feel like you are doing something to pass the time until the virus works it's way out of your baby's system. It's like a sugar pill for impatient, panicky mommies.
Speaking of moving...Olivia, as if on queue, has started to roll over at 4 months. Like her cousin before her, she only goes in one direction. But, it's something. That is so weird how they do these things on their own. I'd like to fool myself into believing that my rolling her over onto her belly for tummy time has taught her to do it for herself, but it is probably just a synapse that goes off at the four month mark. The next stage is sitting up. What I am really looking forward to is the belly laughs.
What to Expect the First Year is also implying that now would be the time to introduce solids, or rice cereal in the boob juice. Due to the fact that Olivia's appetite has spiked, I am tempted to try it. I already purchased some Gerber cereal...I am just waiting for the doctor's okay. I am hoping this quenches her appetite in the evenings and we can get rid of her need to feed at 2am.
Of the many books I have read, 4 months is when they are supposed to start sleeping through the night. Supernanny says that I can't expect that until she is on solids. But, then there's the conundrum of my feeding her just feeds (pun intended) her need to wake up in the middle of the night. What if I just let her "cry it out". Will she soothe herself back to sleep and I can finally get my nights back or am I just teaching her that no one will come to her when she needs them. You will get "expert" opinions on both counts. Hey, I just gave up bringing her into my bed with me. I have had more cold turkey than post-Thanksgiving for this month, thank you very much.
Well, it's off to see my pedi. Pediatrician that is. (Oh where it the other thing). Hopefully he doesn't verbalize how I feel. "Look at this diaper rash! Look at this snot! You are a terrible mother!"

Man, I love my man!

Every once in a while you stop to think how lucky you are to have ended up with the man that you did... Of course, it's all balanced by other situations, but I won't dwell on that right now.
When I was "recovering" from Olivia's birth, I would send him to the store for my "supplies", of which included hemorrhoid paraphernalia and uber-maxi-pads (sorry to break it to you who haven't given birth yet..) And he would go without a sigh or a huff. Today, I sent him to the store to get my breast pads, which I apparently became dangerously low on unbeknownst to me. And, he went! I can just imagine the little old lady at the Walgreens checkout counter looking up at him and seeing that halo around his head and thinking to herself...that woman he's getting those breast pads for...she's one lucky girl. Yep, yep I am. ;-)
Addendum 7/6/09
Last night, when Olivia woke up every hour and a half and I swear I was going to lose my mind because I was stuck with trying to feed her and get her to go back to sleep because John was coming down with some cold and I couldn't wake him up, but boy, he'd better be at death's door if I was going to be stuck with this sh#% and yes I know this is the world's longest most English-teacher-offensive run-on-sentence... Anyway, at 2am, when I was just on the verge of tears because Olivia had woke up AGAIN, I was downstairs warming a bottle for her when John puts his hands around my waist and says "Do you want me to take care of this?"
Of course, I still wanted to be angry at him, so I said "It doesn't matter at this point." (Yes, I cringe the more I think about it.) But, then, I go upstairs to give Olivia the bottle and he's already sitting in the glider with baby in position for feeding. "Let me take care of this and you go back to sleep."
Ahhhhhh. Let me not forget these precious moments.

Red, White and snot all over

Happy Birthday, USA!
Now for the non-patriotic portion of this program:
This week John was going out of town for two days and one of them was a day when O was supposed to go to the daycare at his work. It has been tres convenient that there is a daycare at John's work...until this week. Anyway, I went, on Monday, to pick Olivia up with him so he could give me a quick tour of what I need to do when I drop Olivia off on Wednesday. Put bottles here, sign in here, put Olivia here...easy enough.
Then I notice that every baby has caked green snot on their noses. Oh goody, just what I am sure I have to look forward to. Now, I did mention that Olivia got a cold last week, but she has been leaking the clear stuff. This was opaque and greenish...what we were supposed to look out for.
Well, not only has her nose been oozing the green opaque stuff for the rest of the week, but she has also been "warm". I actually had to do the rectal thermometer for the first time. (This stuff all seems simple enough when you are practicing on a doll that doesn't move, but when you have a stick like object in your baby's bottom and she insists on squirming....you start to panic...adding to the panic you are already feeling that she has a fever and you'll have to try and get a hold of the pediatrician.)
Luckily she only got up to 99.5 degrees (below the call-your-doctor-100.4). But that is the good news. The bad news is that I was otherwise ill-prepared for a baby with a cold. I had this Johnson's vapor bath stuff to help clear the passages, but that was it. I knew that I could sit in the bathroom with the shower on high heat to steam up the room, but, to my dismay, our water does not get hot enough (I guess I'll be happy when she's older that she can't burn herself on our water) I had to make an emergency trip to Walgreens to get a Vicks vaporizer among other baby cold accoutrement that excludes any kind of medication that they can't have at this age.
Along with the green gunk, comes the inability to breathe well and the inability to eat and sleep well....for everyone involved. I went two nights straight without any sort of deep sleep. I joke that I would confess to anything at this point, but sleep deprivation is practiced as torture. I mean, poor Olivia.
Again, I have to bitch about the nasal aspirator thing. Since babies cannot blow their own noses, we have to suck out the bad stuff. They should sell these things with a head restraint because Olivia is having none of it. Every time I come near her nose, she moves her head from side to side. I am surprised I have not poked her eyes out (knock on wood). I have gotten to ignore the doctor's recommendations of just putting the tip of the aspirator up to her nose, because that does bupkis.
I am finding out the hard way that being a baby nurse is mostly a mother's job. John assembled the vaporizer, but I get the bath and nose-sucking duties. I must have picked the short straw in my sleep....or during the sleep deprivation.
Luckily, though, last night, Olivia slept from 8-5am and then went back to sleep after a morning feed until 8:30am. I get to at least enjoy this holiday with some coherency.
On the happy side of life, Olivia is starting to laugh. Not the belly laughs that really make life worth living, but a laugh nonetheless. She was starting to whine about, I forget what, when I go to her "oh boo hoo". Apparently "boo hoo" sounds funny to her and she just smiled and started laughing. So now, to John's anti-enjoyment, I am saying "boo hoo" with some frequency. The other thing that makes her smile (not quite laugh) is when I say ma-ma. YESSSSSSS!
That's another thing, I sometimes think about the fact that I am a mother. I guess, so far, I have been a mom but just not thinking about it. When you stop to think about it, you really feel strange (good strange, but strange). Like when you stop to think about the fact that you are an adult. You know you have been working, you may be married, you definitely are able to drink adult beverages...but you just feel like you should BE older. I know I have this amazing, beautiful, baby girl, but I just don't always let it sink in that she's mine and I am her ma-ma. WHERE's my kleenex?!

I am surprised I remember to put on clothes

This past week has proven to me that mom-nesia does not decrease with time. The opposite is true. TWICE in one day I was walking out the door, looking at a cup or whatever that I wanted to make sure I brought with me and I ended up forgetting it anyway. It's funny because I become so proud of myself that I am NOT going to forget this item because I am looking at it and there is not much more time between now and me leaving that I "couldn't" forget it. Argh. I can't even blame it on the baby because these were times when I was just going to work and didn't have the baby plus baby stuff to worry about.
Another milestone occurred this week. I got sick. I haven't gotten sick in I don't know how long. I even survived a bad cold that was going around the office. All of a sudden I felt like I had been hit by a bus (aka flu symptoms). Luckily, I quickly scanned the "What to expect the first year" to find that I can still breastfeed. Although, otherwise touching the baby is not exactly recommended, so now what? I will just lean over her with my boob? No, in all reality, I just washed my hands a LOT and wore a medical mask. This seemed to not affect Olivia, although I don't quite know how I didn't scare her...leaning over her with this thing covering most of my face. Perhaps it's all in the eyes at this point anyway.
Whatever I did, she does not seem to have my symptoms..thank GOD. I am sure it's because she got the immunities through my breastmilk blah blah blah. I wanted to cry like a baby with how crappy I felt, let alone a baby crying like a baby...
Olivia did, however, manage to get some sort of cold where she is now a booger factory. When you are at your first pediatrician's visit. They show you how to use a bulb syringe to suck the snot out of their little noses. "Just put it at the tip of her nose, like this" my pediatrician says. Oh, and it looks so easy WHEN THERE'S NOTHING TO CLEAN. As Darwin would have it, when you actually go to mimic this "simple" procedure at home, the boogers don't get sucked out and the baby does not hold her head still.
Convinced I was doing something wrong, I, of course, Googled how to clean a baby's nose. Oh, and the videos I saw. It's all a little traumatic. Some instances look like child abuse while other parents seem to have a hospital in their bathroom. What is a mother to do?!
I ended up ignoring the pediatrician and stuck the end of the syringe a little deeper into Olivia's nose. Well, it didn't work to my satisfaction, but there was minor improvement. I guess I will have to take what I can get and learn to live with Olivia having a bat in the cave once in a while.
On the happy side of baby life, she is learning to talk up a storm. No actual words, of course, but the gibberish a baby makes she makes loud and proud. Mama's proud too. Once we pass gibberish, she will be going straight to English, Spanish, Italian and French. ;-) And maybe a little Latin, Carpe diem O!

You win some...

Last Sunday night, O pulled one of those waking up at 2, 5, and 7am. Lately, fortunately, she only takes one boob and promptly falls back asleep, so the obscenely crazy hours she wakes up are more manageable. BUT, last Monday I was telling John, before we went to bed, that I miss that one time she slept until 5am and, honestly, I think she heard me because she slept from 8:30pm to 5am! I was so excited! Cautiously so, though, and it proved to be a wise decision because the rest of the week she's been back to the 2-5-7 thing. Boooooo.
I did read, from the supernanny book, that she probably won't sleep through the night until she's on solids. It makes sense, but then you hear about those moms whose babies slept through the night at two months. OBVIOUSLY two month olds are not on solids. So, you win some you lose some. I really really can't complain about the sleep thing, though cuz, other than that, O is a dream come true. She's such a happy baby and so easy to read. If she's crying, she's either tired or hungry. If she just ate, you put her to bed and visa versa. Otherwise, she's happy as a clam.
I am still bringing her to bed with me after her middle of the night feedings. I figure that once she does start sleeping through the night, she'll be in her crib. Neither of us will be awake to care. I just can't bring myself to put O back in bed when the ability to snuggle with her is right there. I want it even more now that I am back at work. I love waking up with her. I definitely need therapy. John said that I will regret this when she can't sleep in her own bed when she's five. That may be true, but she IS going to sleep in her crib. My hope is that she is just a very adaptive baby. I am pretty sure I am pressing my luck. But, I also come back to John with "So you will get up and put her back to sleep if she cries." He doesn't have a response for that... Point team mom.
Out of curiosity, I wanted to know how long it takes for alcohol to show up in the boob juice, so I googled the question. To my surprise I found several articles stating that "pumping and dumping" is a waste because alcohol is not stored in the breast milk, like it is not stored in our blood. Once it is out of your blood, it is out of your leche. That means, if you just wait it out, and probably suffer through the rock hard full supply stage, you will eventually have untainted stuff after an adult beverage or two. The fact is, alcohol shows up in the milk 30-60 mins after consumption and you should wait two hours per drink to have it safely out of your system. Now I am flashing back to pouring that sacred stuff down the drain and shedding a tear.
Speaking of shedding, that hair that doesn't fall out when I was pregnant is now starting to fall out again. Not in chunks, like I have heard, but it's back to it's pre-pregnancy state. I have found strands of hair in everything now...bottles, clothes, baby... Now I know how our cat feels.

My knight in shining armor!

You know how husband earn “husband points”…like when they do the dishes without being asked, give you massages (or, in my case, play with my hair), clean up after themselves, fix things, etc. By doing said acts, you love them just a little bit more. Well, John earned about a thousand husband points yesterday. We were walking home from my parents (O was in the stroller), when a group of teenagers sped past us. No matter where you are, this is an unsafe thing to do, but this is a pretty heavily populated (with kids) neighborhood. We ranted for a few minutes on how terrible and stupid those teenagers are. Then, it just so happened that they were headed to this house (apparently a graduation party was in progress) and we walked past them as the two girls and two boys were getting out of the car. The driver had not quite made it out of the car, and, before I knew it, John was in his face serving him up a big can of whoop ass while his friend were looking on. I never knew John had it in him, but apparently, he has that white suit of armor when it comes to the safety of his child. Ohhh, my heart has wings. Olivia, you should be so proud of your daddy! (AND you should never be like those stupid teenagers…but we’ll have that talk later, like when you can understand what I am saying).
On another note, this past Friday started off pretty well. I was in super-mommy mode and I took Olivia to the children’s museum (even though there is not a ton for her, I thought I would just do what I could to make her a baby genius). After the museum, I decided to go grocery shopping. Well, on my way to the store, I was almost there…I got rear-ended. Thank GOD it was from a stop and no one, especially Olivia, was hurt. My day went pretty much downhill from there. I got the offender’s information and then went to the police station…apparently the wrong police station. Then, I went to the police station they told me was the correct police station and THAT police station questioned whether or not it was under their jurisdiction. By this time, I was in the red zone of Olivia’s feeding time. I knew that if they sent me elsewhere, I would have to just go home or face the wrath of a hungry O. “Luckily” they were able to take the report, but while filling out the paperwork, Olivia started to cry. She cried all the way home until I was able to feed her. By then, I was totally stressed and NOT going out of the house again. Aside from the feeding fiasco, Olivia was blissfully unaware of the downward spiral that was Friday. It certainly puts “normal, uneventful” days in perspective. I may think twice when I put on my super-mommy cape again. It seems like you can use up your mommy points for the day if you push it.

Are we THERE yet?!

If I start counting my weeks post-maternity leave, this is going to be like another pregnancy with no due date. :-0 I have to stop.
Today, is Friday. I usually look forward to Fridays, but now it has been elevated in status due to the fact I don't have to work and I get to spend the day with O.
I guess the bonus of working is that I definitely appreciate the time I DO spend with her. You hear that a lot from working moms: you are a better parent because you aren't 24-7 baby and you appreciate the precious time you have with your angel. I would say that is too true. (the appreciating part..the better parent part will have to be determined when O learns to talk and makes me feel guilty about leaving her).
I was just e-mailing a former coworker about my feelings about returning to work. I have to say, I find that I had just hit my stride as a mom and then I have to leave it all. It's not been as unbearable as I thought it would be, but I am not one of those woman who can't be without her profession...I really liked being a mom. O makes it seem easy and her smiles are always the best reward. I'll have to train my coworkers to smile like a three-month-old....
We feel empowered as women when we achieve certain statuses (stati?) in male dominated profession. Like, when I became a licenced architect, I felt pretty good...that some of that education had paid off. But, post-baby, I envy women who work in more female-oriented professions...whatever they may be... Don't get me wrong, having Karen (yes, shout out to you, Karen) in the office has been a huge blessing to have such a great supportive experienced mom to be there for me at work...but there are times, like last Tuesday, when it was just me and the boys and I needed a pump break. When you are out in the field, there really isn't as subtle way to sneak off and pump and I am not aware of another excuse to come up with that would allow me to disappear for 20 minutes. So, I had to actually say to my boss "I have to go pump." I might as well have said, I have my period...it gets the same awkward response when you bring to a man's attention that you have woman issues. Not like making breastmilk is an "issue" to me, but I am pretty sure my boss is not used to having an employee who needs to take pump breaks.
It was pretty rough, though, on Tuesday because I couldn't find an opportune time to take such an extended break, so I waited until after lunch. That is a pretty long time to go sans release. By the time I attached those cone shaped suckers to me, I was in some pain and the girls were pretty rock solid. Not exactly a pleasant experience. I need to learn to be a little stronger about just doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. I don't want them exploding or anything. My dread is, in the future, my boss has Tuesdays booked with meetings. Great for him, getting CA meetings out of the way all in one day...I am already panicking about when I am going to be able to pump. Not a woman in sight for any of these meetings to lend a sympathetic glance. :-(
Today is sunny (finally). I am debating on returning to the Children's Museum with O. Not much there for three-month olds, but there is stuff. I just don't want to show up and find the place swarming with kids running everywhere. I don't hate kids, of course I love my own, but I hate kids en-masse and mommies who have tunnel vision for their own tots and don't have consideration for others. I shouldn't judge, though, I am sure I will be "that mom" one day....and proud of it! Maybe just a walk to the library will do. You have to be quiet there.
Olivia is starting to turn over in her crib. The other night I found her 90 degrees from where she started. I am not sure whether to be excited about the accomplishment, or scared that she is starting to become more mobile. I'll take the former...
This week at daycare, she got just great reviews! Also, grandma daycare brought O to my work yesterday. I got to have lunch with two of my favorite people in the world. It was a great way to end the work week. Plus, I forgot how wonderful that Indian buffet was at the place by my work. YUM!
06.08.09
JOHN: Looks like 3 naps ( 2 short, 1 long) this morning. Caregiver was just finishing with the 2nd bottle when I went down. Olivia smiled when she recognized me. Played with her for a bit. She was pretty chatty and grabbing the chain link toys. So, business as usual. I'm sure we'll start hearing actual words soon.
TEACHER COMMENTS: Great day! She's been giving me a lot of smiles today. Cooing and making lots of happy sounds. Took lots of naps. Went to nap on her own. She had fun on the floor while touching the hanging toy by the mirror. Happy mood :)
06.10.09
JOHN: I got there as the 2nd bottle went down… Olivia smiled when she saw me… then a couple of big burps on my lap and a little came back up. Saved by the bib. Other than that it was the same as usual - smiley, happy and chatty. Caregiver is thinking she may have to tap my secret stash of formula. We shall see.
TEACHER COMMENTS: Great day! Happy mood :) She's been happy and continued on the floor mat while looking and touching the hanging toys. She loved looking at the musical mobile in her crib. Cooing and smiling a lot.

How do I love thee!

Last night I put Olivia down to sleep and she was pretty much wide awake...kicking, smiling, looking around for things to do. Then, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and came back to check on her, expecting to have to soothe her to sleep or something and she was out, like a light. There are many things we do as parents that concern us regarding spoiling or screwing up our children...I think worrying about a long night of trying to get your baby to sleep is one of them. So, when, without much ado, Olivia falls asleep, it is like I have a miracle baby!
Of course, she woke up at around 1am for a feeding, which is against my hopes she's on her way to those 12 hour sleeps we all hear about...but I will "suffer" for now. One small step for mommy-kind.
I cashed in on my winning the personal training session (mentioned in a previous, pregnant blog) this past Friday. Kate showed me a full body workout routine that I can do while Olivia watches with delight. So, now I have no excuse. I have something I can do to tone the flab AND entertain my baby. The next hump to get over is that avoiding getting back into triathlon training.. I may have to chisel the dust off my bike..

HI HO, HI LOW, It's off to work I go

It's only Thursday, but, thankfully, my first work week is over. Again, that economy that is nothing but bad is good for me. My hours are reduced, so I get more time with my O.
The first day was the hardest, but I have to say I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. Basically, when I left the house, I cried, I cried on the way to work and then I cried when Karen asked me how I was doing. PS - I am so grateful for all of the support I received from friends and family the first day. It really helps to have people who have been there reassure me that everything was going to be okay. Although, the only reason, I think, why I didn't cry the WHOLE day was because I just got so completely and utterly tired. I didn't have the energy to be sad...I mostly felt numb.
I could not wait to get home and wrap my arms around my baby. As luck would have it, she wasn't there when I got home! I had to white knuckle it until John got home. I called my mom to complain ;-) Of course, as soon as he got home, I ran to get her out of the car seat and, SHE WAS ASLEEP ;-0 How dare she not have her arms outstretched! (oh yeah, she can't do that yet) Luckily, she woke up shortly after getting home...I think it was the fact that I was breathing on her and using my mental power to wake her up!
She receives reports from her daycare: when she was fed, when she was diapered, when she napped...general comments. Aside from the mundane, her reviews were raves. Smiled all day... I was so proud of her! I knew she'd make a great impression on her caregivers. I mean, how could they NOT be smitten!
The next day was grandma-pa daycare. I wasn't as sad on day two because I knew she would be loved all day. The only complaint I have is that Olivia smelled like grandpa's cologne when we picked her up. There is something disconcerting about a baby that smells like a grownup...especially a baby girl smelling like a man. But, if that's all I have to complain about, I can consider myself blessed (and I do!)
I had a meeting with a client that day. He was surprised to hear that I had just recently given birth because I "lost the weight quickly". Whether or not he meant it, and I feel like I have a lot of tightening and toning to do, he made my day. It's good to hear things other than "are you here for the prenatal class?"
Wednesday, Olivia was back at daycare at John's work. That day her reviews were not as happy as the first day. She apparently was crying more. Oh woe is me. I hope this is not a trend. I don't want my baby to be sad! I want her to be happy and make friends with the other babies, and not want for the attention she deserves.
That night, John, O, my mom and I went to a tapas restaurant because I had read they had live music. Okay, I was thinking Spanish guitar...that would be soothing for Olivia. Well, there was a guitar involved, but the guy was singing standards and not the exotic Spanish guitar ala Almodovar films that I was hoping for. Nonetheless, the restaurant was packed (I think that others shared my hopes for exotic music). I was worried that the noise level would upset Olivia and we would be up all night, but she just slept the whole time! I am so happy to know I can take her out to restaurants (for now) and am not a slave to my kitchen. The food was good, the sangria was great... Well, the only hitch in this great night was that Olivia was so tired she did not nurse a ton when we got home and woke up hungry at 2am. But, what's past is past.
That's another concern I have...mostly about myself. Olivia is starting to be able to sleep longer, but now she has gotten to making noises (mostly sucking her hands) at around midnight. I take this as my call to bring her in bed with me. It's probably not the correct thing to do, but it's a drug for me. Despite all of the warnings, I am getting dangerously close to that time where you CAN start spoiling your baby (especially when it comes to sleeping) and I don't know if I can give up holding her in my arms while I sleep. I love being able to hear and feel her breathing and knowing she's safe and snug. I may need an intervention, or I will have problems shortly with her not being able to sleep in her own bed.
Olivia is now a drooling fool. Google has given me several reasons for this...teething, developing saliva as an indication that she's ready for solids soon, sucking on hands...all things that are not to be concerned about. The only thing is I am not yet used to putting bibs on her all of the time and her clothes get soaked. It's really amazing how much liquid comes out of such a tiny baby!
Speaking of liquid..Olivia is still going number two ALL of the time. We went from every other day to every hour. I miss the time when I was concerned that she was constipated...

Below are the comments from John and the caregiver regarding O's first days at daycare:
06.01.09
JOHN: Olivia looks very happy and is watching the other kids. When I first got down there she looked at me then smiled. Generally they commented on how good she was and how much she smiled. Caregiver also commented on how fast she drank. Not 1st place but a close 2nd to another kid...
It was bit of a mad house at daycare this morning. Luckily, I got there just before the rush. Olivia was watching the other kids when I left. I'll go back down at lunch.
TEACHER COMMENTS: Great day! :-) Olivia has been in a happy and smiley mood. She had fun looking at the hanging toy by the mirror. She took her bottle good and went to sleep on her own in her crib :-) Giving us lots of smiles :-) She's a wonderful baby :-) (don't I know it!)
WONDERFUL FIRST DAY!
06.03.09
JOHN: I went down there for 20 or so minutes over lunch. She was having her the 2nd bottle... First was at 9:30! Hope she has a long afternoon nap...
Anyway, I got Olivia to burp and she was happy looking around at the other kid, all who had just made a very big mess with lunch. I put her on the mat and showed her pictures and put her hands on the hanging toys. I turned away to talk to the caregiver and when I looked back Olivia had grabbed on of the toys hanging by her... that's something new. She got a bit crabby so I picked her up and she was happily looking at the other kids.
TEACHER COMMENTS: A little bit sad today :-( She cried more today than yesterday, but was fine on the floor mat while playing with daddy :-) Smiling at times. Looking around and watching other children playing on the floor.