I had one of those "aha" moments just now and I am a little pissed. But, before I rant and rave, I need to speak glowingly of the progress and regress we've made with Olivia. Olivia has been starting to say "dada" (More like "dadadadadadadadada"). I know, in reality, she's just discovered how to make new sounds come out of her mouth and is running with it..but I can't help feel a little neglected. Those three months of maternity leave, all of that breastfeeding, pumping, loving her, playing with her...obsessing over her multilingualism and she starts by giving homage to her dada. I mean, I love him, but I think I deserve some props here. Isn't nirvana the enlightenment attained by the loss of one's self...one's ego? Well, I have no ego left and I am a little pissed about it (probably negates the enlightened end of things doesn't it?) so I have acheived nerve-ana.
Of course, I am ecstatic that she is attaining all of these baby milestones. I am sure I will get over the "rejection", but why else do we blog if not to rant?
Like I have said before, we have started solids. Olivia is embracing solids with the gusto of a vegetarian at Mortons...that is to say, not at all. Apparently she can't say "mama" but she can purse her lips in refusal of the baby food I so lovingly made for her. Where does she learn to purse her lips at 6 months? Don't I get a couple of years before that form of rejection?!
Of course, I am panicking. Am I going to be the first mom that can't ween her baby on to solids? I have not heard about this being a problem for anyone! So, in between rejections, I turn to google for hope and help. Luckily, I find that I am not alone. Unfortunately, most of the responses are: "Try finger foods, my baby went straight to finger foods and loves it!". Well, Olivia is having none of that either. I am almost beginning to wonder if I should have foregone my pediatrician's recommendation to wait until 6 months and just started her on solids when my gut told me she was ready...when she was still malleable and joyfully accepting new things. Now, I see a hint of food and stranger danger. I fear I waited too long. How does one know when to listen to their gut and when to listen to the professional. He has his own kids after all, he wouldn't be saying this to torture me. (Would he?)
So this is where I get pissed. Why is it that I have to Google to find out that there are other mothers who have my issues? It seems, and maybe I notice it a lot more lately, that none of my mommy girlfriends tell me about the problems they have with their babies/pregnancy/birth until I experience it for myself? So, maybe I am the only one who's baby is rejecting solids..but what about the other stuff. Why is it that we, and, yes, I am putting myself in that category (but not on the same level) speak about the highs AND the lows of babies. Even if I never experience the same issues, at least I am mentally and maybe physically prepared. I didn't get that memo to just brag and never bitch....unless asked. Ask not tell not. This ain't the army, this is motherhood for crying out loud. This is our children...OUR sanity...our future. I am not judging you for not being perfect...I am thanking you for the head's up.
Well, thank goodness for my friend, Kata, who put breast pads in my cart when we were shopping for baby stuff while I was pregnant. "you'll need these." (and not waiting for me to call her up complaining how I leaked all over my favorite top, for example.) No pregnancy book tells you to stock up on breast pads before you give birth... we need our friends to prepare us for the un-sexy side of motherhood. I feel like I did and am doing a significant amount of reading during and after pregnancy and there are still big gaps in reality vs literary-land. I need you, my friends..'fess up!!!
The reason I am so flipping mad about this is that I am reading "Bad Mother" by Ayelet Waldman. In her first chapter she chides us woman for being mum about the bad side of motherhood...and it got me thinking about how much I am finding out about motherhood from my friends by complaining and then they say "oh yeah, that happened to me."
I also just had a realization that this goes all the way back to trying to get pregnant. WHY did I find out that it is actually NOT easy to get pregnant for some women after finding it difficult myself? Why are these women hidden away in the Internet or in late-night support groups (like the yoga for fertility group I attended.) Granted, I was overreacting a little, but panicking because this was uncharted territory in my world of "you'll get pregnant if he looks at you funny without a condom." Why am I finding out when I am in the throws of trying to get pregnant/pregnancy/mommyhood that there are people I know who've been through it all and didn't want to talk about it... I mean, unless you are doing something dangerous or illegal, there is no shame in imperfection! The one thing I hate more than football is Monday morning quarterbacking.
Okay, now I feel better. I am going to go play with my perfect daughter.
Of course, I am ecstatic that she is attaining all of these baby milestones. I am sure I will get over the "rejection", but why else do we blog if not to rant?
Like I have said before, we have started solids. Olivia is embracing solids with the gusto of a vegetarian at Mortons...that is to say, not at all. Apparently she can't say "mama" but she can purse her lips in refusal of the baby food I so lovingly made for her. Where does she learn to purse her lips at 6 months? Don't I get a couple of years before that form of rejection?!
Of course, I am panicking. Am I going to be the first mom that can't ween her baby on to solids? I have not heard about this being a problem for anyone! So, in between rejections, I turn to google for hope and help. Luckily, I find that I am not alone. Unfortunately, most of the responses are: "Try finger foods, my baby went straight to finger foods and loves it!". Well, Olivia is having none of that either. I am almost beginning to wonder if I should have foregone my pediatrician's recommendation to wait until 6 months and just started her on solids when my gut told me she was ready...when she was still malleable and joyfully accepting new things. Now, I see a hint of food and stranger danger. I fear I waited too long. How does one know when to listen to their gut and when to listen to the professional. He has his own kids after all, he wouldn't be saying this to torture me. (Would he?)
So this is where I get pissed. Why is it that I have to Google to find out that there are other mothers who have my issues? It seems, and maybe I notice it a lot more lately, that none of my mommy girlfriends tell me about the problems they have with their babies/pregnancy/birth until I experience it for myself? So, maybe I am the only one who's baby is rejecting solids..but what about the other stuff. Why is it that we, and, yes, I am putting myself in that category (but not on the same level) speak about the highs AND the lows of babies. Even if I never experience the same issues, at least I am mentally and maybe physically prepared. I didn't get that memo to just brag and never bitch....unless asked. Ask not tell not. This ain't the army, this is motherhood for crying out loud. This is our children...OUR sanity...our future. I am not judging you for not being perfect...I am thanking you for the head's up.
Well, thank goodness for my friend, Kata, who put breast pads in my cart when we were shopping for baby stuff while I was pregnant. "you'll need these." (and not waiting for me to call her up complaining how I leaked all over my favorite top, for example.) No pregnancy book tells you to stock up on breast pads before you give birth... we need our friends to prepare us for the un-sexy side of motherhood. I feel like I did and am doing a significant amount of reading during and after pregnancy and there are still big gaps in reality vs literary-land. I need you, my friends..'fess up!!!
The reason I am so flipping mad about this is that I am reading "Bad Mother" by Ayelet Waldman. In her first chapter she chides us woman for being mum about the bad side of motherhood...and it got me thinking about how much I am finding out about motherhood from my friends by complaining and then they say "oh yeah, that happened to me."
I also just had a realization that this goes all the way back to trying to get pregnant. WHY did I find out that it is actually NOT easy to get pregnant for some women after finding it difficult myself? Why are these women hidden away in the Internet or in late-night support groups (like the yoga for fertility group I attended.) Granted, I was overreacting a little, but panicking because this was uncharted territory in my world of "you'll get pregnant if he looks at you funny without a condom." Why am I finding out when I am in the throws of trying to get pregnant/pregnancy/mommyhood that there are people I know who've been through it all and didn't want to talk about it... I mean, unless you are doing something dangerous or illegal, there is no shame in imperfection! The one thing I hate more than football is Monday morning quarterbacking.
Okay, now I feel better. I am going to go play with my perfect daughter.
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