Meta-mom-phosis

When I stopped to think about it, I realized something takes over you when you become a mom. Well, duh, you might say, but it's more than you think. I mean, everything Olivia does, good or bad, I think about how it is going to affect her when she gets older. Should I let her have the thing she wants because it will make her stop crying or should I take it away from her because she can't take it with her to bed and I don't want her to become a spoiled child? It goes without saying that you want to encourage your child to do creative things and read, not watch T.V., go to the park, play outside when it's nice out... but what about what you do when she cries about wanting things she shouldn't have... I feel a sense of calm take over me and I just take it away from her and not give it to her. Whereas, if I weren't her mother, I would probably "let this one slide". But you have to think about everything they do and how it will affect them as 2 year olds to 20 year olds.
Obviously this doesn't affect every parent, as you see the spoiled children and thank goodness they're not your children. But then again, I don't claim to be a perfect parent, I just see examples of "those" kids and I know I don't want to live with one. So, the whole seeing the future thing allows me to float out of my body and just be the parent. Maybe this type of aha moment is just common knowledge amongst experienced parents, but when you notice it, you notice it. Lookit me being all responsible, you think. Where did that person come from? ;-)

Oli-Diva

Ahh, I love the smell of waffles in the morning. I have about 15 minutes before Olivia wakes up and I am making waffles and blogging. Rachael Ray's Gingerbread Waffles if you must know....I am a bit bored of PLAIN old waffles and gingerbread has molasses in it, which happens to be good for you. My latest and greatest focus is getting my DD to eat. I refuse to raise a picky eater, on the one hand, but I also refuse to get those bad mommy looks from my pediatrician because my daughter is 10th percentile weight. So far it has been a struggle to figure out what she will eat. So far it's Trader Joe's freeze dried mango, hot dogs and broccoli. But there is no stead fast rule. What works one day doesn't mean it will work the next. There was a whole two days where all she wanted was bananas and now she just likes to point out that there are bananas and not eat them. (sigh)
Every day is like a big "What you think you know to be true is wrong". Especially when it comes to toddlers in general and Olivia in particular. For example, did you know that a toddler can become attached to a piece of clothing they happen to be wearing and refuse to take it off? Me neither! That is Olivia's new "thing". Lately it's been this fleece jacket and her shoes. I told this to a friend yesterday and she explained to me that it's Olivia's attempt at asserting control. For example, her son had a "thing" about having cheese for breakfast. I suppose I should be glad that her attempts at control are over clothes, but I just have to wonder what this attachment to clothes and shoes is going to develop into when she is a teenager. Am I raising a fashion diva? This will be entertaining. I am trying to take a stand and not let her have too much control (like the shoes eventually have to come off), but I also want to pick my battles. An affinity toward clothes is not high on my danger danger list and she IS a girl.
This morning's activity is "Tornado Toddlers" at my local gym. The general theme to group toddler activities seems to be a guitar, things to bang on and colored kerchiefs to throw around in the air. Olivia seems to enjoy it and is starting to participate a little in the activities. Mostly she likes to applaud at the end. So, of course, that puts a smile on my face.
With all of these activities, I thought I was being super-mom. But, there is always someone out there to prove you wrong. My friend, for example, who O and I joined her and her little girl at the zoo last week, knows about all of the activities to do with toddlers. She's a member of all of the "Cool" places to go like the zoo, children's museum, arboretum, she knew that the Museum of Science and Industry was free and took her tot to it. Now my Tornado Toddlers thing doesn't sound so super-mom-y. There's another thing about finding out what you think you know is wrong... there's always going to be someone who you thing does it better and makes you feel like a hack. There's the mom who manages to raise well behaved children and keeps her house clean and well decorated...like an adult lives there. These are things I will strive for, but I won't beat myself up about it. I think I am doing an okay job and Olivia seems to be happy... for now. Good thing I have some time before she's a teenager.

Time Flies when you're not Blogging

My sister asked me the other day if I had given up on my blog. In a sense, I had, but the mere question of it sparked my desire to write something.
Olivia is nearing her 18 month mark. I have managed to keep her alive for 18 months. It's been exhausting and exhilarating...but that's what every parent says. Here's what I think:
Since April 15, 2010, I have been unemployed. The super sucky economy has forced me into stay-at-home-mom-dome. I have to say that, I feel guilty for not working, but I am not complaining. I am confident that I will go back to work one day, but why not make this work for me and my daughter at this point? She still goes to petri dish uh, I mean, daycare twice a week. (we don't want to lose our spot, I need the me-time, it's good for her to be around other kids, they do activities that I don't have access to, and so on...) The time is great because I have decided to do that half Ironman I dropped out of when I became pregnant and now I am working on training for the Chicago marathon. I am hoping for a Boston qualifying time (why not, as I will never see this much time to train again). The days O is in daycare, I do my long runs or speedwork/weights at the gym and then the other days we go in the jogger. It's nice to combine nature, time with O and a workout all in one. Thank heaven for modern technology.
The time with O has inspired me to research how I can make her a baby genius. I have to admit that my sights may have been set a little high, but I am slowly coming back to reality.
For example: the multi-lingualism. My mom kept telling me that she needs to learn one language first. Which, I still don't totally agree with, but the few words she is learning at this stage, I don't want to confuse her with multiple versions of it. I think listening to it still is beneficial, but my expectation of her speaking it at this point has been put on hold. I say that, but of course we are going to a fine arts Spanish class in about a week. (fine arts meaning singing songs). Hey, I am not trying to be a pushy mom, but I enjoy the focused, educational time with her and other kids. Apparently there is not much offered for the under twos as far as mom-tot activities, so when I find something, like I found this place through Groupon.com, I latch on to it. I see it as taking a group personal training at the gym, we are all learning techniques we can use at home to enhance their growth.
I guess I can see why there is so little offered for the under 2's. Olivia's focused participation at this age is limited. She can do a few group activities, but mostly she wants to wander around. Still, the park, the library, the home, can become monotonous.
I am also researching all things Montessori. I always heard that word from other parents and an architecture professor I had was designing Montessori schools. I thought it was school for gifted, but now I find it's really a philosophy for raising an independent child. It seems we underestimate what our little tater tots are capable of at an early age. Some things, I have found, we are right on track about, but other things I think are really worth exploring. For example: I just made Olivia's room into her own little independent playroom. I bought some kiddie table and chair and bookshelf from Ikea and laid it out so she can independently access all of her toys and take the initiative on her own activities. I stocked up on crayons and do a dot art markers so she can explore her artistic side (which is mostly scribble at this point). I also recently took one side off her crib so it is essentially a toddler bed.
This might shock some parents, but she seemed to be planning her escape route anyway. She was throwing everything out of her crib. (perhaps to make a soft landing area, perhaps to see what happened to her crash test dummies.) Anyway, the first night was not the independent sleep wonder I had envisioned. She kept falling out of bed and I had to sleep on the edge of her bed to soften the fall. There is something to be said about a toddler falling on you when you're fast asleep, that something ain't good. The next day we installed a guardrail on the bed (cheap-o-rama at Ikea) and it seemed to do the trick.
Of course, everything works for a while with Olivia, then everything changes. She's taken to waking up screaming at odd hours of the night. We can't decide if it's night terrors or molars. I guess I have to wait until her next pediatrician visit to find out. Or I could just Google it. (You always seem to find someone with your problem on Google, what a lovely place to not feel like the worst parent on the planet thank goodness for Google!)
I am slowly wishing I had been more diligent about writing as there seems to be so much I want to say.
Ok, next topic... following the expectation-o-meter dipping, if I am anything, I am a swimmer and an eater. Things I remember as a child are gorging on mac n' cheese and swimming in various public pools in the area. We have a kiddie pool at our gym that I couldn't wait to take Olivia to. I had this vision of her laughing and splashing around...looking at me with that "you're-the-best-mom-in-the-world" look as she kicks some water in the air... what actually happened was: as soon as I opened the door from the locker room to the pool, she turned to me and wrapped her arms around my neck for dear life and started to cry. She even pooped her swim-pants. People keep telling me that next year things will be different and I believe them. It still doesn't change the fact that my mommy-daughter fantasies were squelched. Next year. Next year.
And for that mac n' cheese thing...she hates the stuff. Oh, she'll have a bite or two, but then she starts looking around for something else to eat or starts signing "done" and squirms to get out of her high chair. Well, I think she likes spaghetti. That's something. I don't know what genes she's getting her tastebuds from, but they seem to not be mine. Good thing I love to cook and she doesn't love to eat. [Sigh] Like someone wise once said, "this too shall pass". I could also Google this quote, but I am to lazy right now. I have too much to write as it is.
Lately I have been dreading her pediatrician visits. It's not the shots, she's fine with the shots. It's the inquisition about what milestones she has or has not achieved. I generally feel like she's growing at a "normal" rate until we get to THOSE questions and then I start feeling like there's some checklist out there that every parent knows about but me. I was so excited that she started walking and crawling early I forgot to make sure she could point to her bellybutton at 15 months. So, of course you know I have been focusing on her body parts these past 3 months. I am hoping to walk into the pediatrician's office able to say "yes" to all of the questions he asks, but I just know that he's going to ask if she can do a one armed push up while reciting the alphabet backwards and I am going to start breaking a sweat. I really want to know where he's getting this list, because, as far as what I have been able to find, Olivia's on track, but there's always a curveball with him.
And, as if the pediatrician wasn't there to make me freak out about Olivia's development, it's my mom. Today she noticed that Olivia walks pigeon-toed. I said that's normal (not exactly confidently) and she said in that way moms say "I don't thiiiiink soooo." Hmprh. That's another great thing about Google. It's the greatest defense against judgemental moms/grandmas. Of course I googled pigeon toed 18 month old and found many responses that it's common and/or they just grow out of it. (Some people said to put the left shoe on the right foot and visa versa...I am not quite at that point yet) So, mom, take THAT.
Expectations or no, I am really just a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda mom. I take each day and experience as it comes. Some new-moms just seem to know what to do and what to say. I am not one of them. I think I have been doing my best these past 18 months as I will continue to do. Of course, the questions about a second child are starting to rear their head. I can't make any commitments to a second until I know what's happening with my job. And then, there's that Ironman 2012 that's started to become a goal... I asked John about a number two. I just assumed that we would have another one, but, in reality. I am happy with Olivia. Very happy. If we have another one, that would be great, but let's just focus on making this one great for now.

"ni mo"

Just as I was closing the door too her room, Olivia stood up in her crib and said "ni mo". Could be babble, could be her attempt at "Night mom". In my world, it's the latter. I am happy :-)

How did we survive as a species?

How did we, as humans, survive as a species if we all were toddlers at one point? I have to ask this question after 3 nights in a row of sleep deprivation. No one told Olivia that torture was outlawed. It's like she has a innate sense of when I am just about to enter REM and she screams bloody murder. Yes, she has a cold and, poor baby, cannot breathe well or eat well (what's new there?), but I am worried that we are back to square 1 with getting her to eat and sleep "Normally".
This past week she has worn the badge of toddler proudly. I can understand it's frustrating to live in a world where you want everything you can't have, you can't do much without help, you can't communicate what you want or don't want...but why the nails-on-a-chalkboard-wailing every five minutes? Oy. I guess the good thing is that toddlers don't have much of an attention span so you can distract them with something else to help them forget that five minutes ago they wanted to stick their fingers in something potentially dangerous.
Last night was a real test of my will. Ironically enough, it was Mother's day yesterday. When I should have felt pampered and adored, I felt like I needed more caffeine. Caffeine was the only thing that made me human yesterday... But it has worn off this morning and I have to start the IV fresh. Like I said, Olivia has had a cold. She had a fever the night before, so not sleeping well was understandable. John and I have taken turns holding her in the glider while she slept and we...sorta slept. It was the only way to stop the wailing and help us get to sleep. I think I read somewhere that illness was a reason to actually not let them cry it out (back to sleep). But last night, I was worried this was going to be her new thing, sick or no. She refused dinner...so I gave her some infant cereal and cheerios before she went to bed to get something in her stomach. She actually ate it, which was good, but then she refused her evening bottle, which was not so good. As soon as John and I turned out the lights for us to go to sleep, she started the wailing. So, now that I am unemployed and not going to work, I offered to go in there and soother her back to sleep. I picked her up and rocked her back to sleep in the glider. I put her back in the crib and went back to my bed. I repeated this process, pretty much hourly, until 2am. At that time, I decided that she was refusing a bottle, so she wasn't hungry, she was just taking advantage of me. I decided, to John's dismay, that she was going to cry herself back to sleep and not get into the habit of needing us to soothe her all of the time.
John felt otherwise and went down to the kitchen to make her a bottle. After fuming a little bit, I decided to try the bottle and Olivia sucked it down. The problem is, now we've set up a pattern for her that she can refuse dinner because she'll get a midnight snack. She's starting to remember stuff like that, to my dismay. I am really hoping this is just a "sick" thing and that we'll get our sleep back shortly as she woke up with a runny nose and a cough, but otherwise her "old" self this morning.
While we're on the subject of how much I feel I am failing as a mother, Olivia is still having bottles. I Googled to see if there was a trick to getting babies to drink milk from a sippy cup, but it all seems to come down to cold turkey. "Luckily" for us, Olivia will dehydrate herself before she guzzles down more than a sip of milk from anything other than a bottle. She drinks from a sippy cup. Thankfully that is not my issue, but if it's anything other than water, she will throw that sippy to the floor and never look back. We tried different sippy cups. Everything works for a second and then she seems to catch on that we are "tricking" her and makes a face like she just sucked on a lemon and goes on sippy strike. No water no drink. We asked our pediatrician what we should do. He said he's not concerned as long as she gets her dairy from other sources (ie cheese, yogurt, etc.) So, that has been a little relief, but I am still a bad mommy because we are still giving her bottles. I can't bring myself to find out what horror awaits me if Olivia goes to bed or naps without a bottle. I have to admit, I like sitting with her in the glider and rocking her to sleep with a bottle of warm milk (not to mention the fact that she is actually having something other than water.) It's not something I am ready to give up even if she is...) Why does everything have to be on a deadline? I hate feeling bad for doing things that don't seem so bad, but every other mother seems to have transitioned with ease out of the bottle. *sigh*
I have also learned my lesson: Unless the mother is actually abusing her child, never judge another mother for how she is raising her child. It will always come back to bite you. The other day, I was at the park playing with Olivia. I was always within arms reach of her, but watching these older boys play on the equipment while these two moms stared at their cell phones or gossiped with eachother...essentially ignoring their children who decided to make a game of seeing who can jump from a higher height from places on the equipment, I am sure, were not meant to be leaped from. I started to glare at these bad mommies, thinking to myself, pay attention to your kids, ladies, not your phones. When, all of a sudden I hear Olivia crying. While I was standing in judgement of other mothers, I was essentially ignoring my own daughter, who had fallen. Lesson learned. Lesson learned. (However, I can't help but get annoyed that there seems to be a rapid increase in parents who are more interested in their I phone than their children.... what type of world are we raising when smart phones are turning us into dumb-parents, Steve Jobs?)

Lucky 13

Yes, it’s been a while since I blogged. It’s not that nothing has been going on that I won’t regret not having documented, but I just haven’t been able to prioritize blogging over other things like chasing after a toddler.

It’s so weird to call O a toddler, but she is a-toddling. We have opened up the first and second floor to Olivia (blocking the stairs, of course). She can climb up the stairs, it’s the down part we’re not willing to try just yet. I have probably mentioned this before, and it is probably not unique to her, but she should work for the government when she grows up. She is always finding the flaw in our barricade plans…or finding access to the more dangerous items like plugs, cords, or glassware over the plethora of toys we have strewn about the house for her. This morning I got distracted for a millisecond and she managed to stick her fingers in "her" drawer. (bottom drawer in the kitchen filled with our water bottles (aka her water bottles) and other small toys.

Her new thing is, no matter what you have in your hand, she wants it. Again, even though she has plenty of "safer, toddler-appropriate" items strewn about, she wants what you got. Lately it’s been keys, or water bottles. Yesterday it was the carbon monoxide detector we had plugged in a floor lever outlet, we thought, was out of her reach. Luckily she was not electrocuted, or whatever horror stories that you hear that keep you awake at night, but once I took the detector out of her reach, it was like I had just removed an appendage. I guess it’s good and bad that they only have a short attention span, the solution was to just hand her some other non-toddler item and she forgot all about the detector. It’s hard to resist buying all of those toys you see, especially the ones you think will enhance their brain in some way or another, but, in reality…you could probably save a ton of money and just put boxes, paper and plastic items on the floor.

Speaking of enhancing the brain, and speaking of speaking, at Olivia’s 12 month pediatrician visit, he asked if she was saying mama and dada specifically. Enter the new reason for me to be paranoid, because, no, she is saying dada, but not mama specifically. She is even saying ca ca (kitty cat) when Matilda walks by, but not mama. Should I be happy that she is starting to associate words with John and Matilda or upset that I CARRIED HER FOR 9 MONTHS, GAVE BIRTH TO HER AND LOST LOTS OF SLEEP FOR HER and she is still not saying my name! My only consolation is that, hopefully, eventually this will all be a distant memory… but, for right now, the only conversation she and I will be having is "you

– Olivia, me –

mama" According to "What to Expect, the Toddler Years", by 13.5 months, Olivia should be saying mama and dada intentionally. She turned 13 months today. We have two weeks and it’s mama-bootcamp time.

Another flaw in my plan of perfect parenting-bliss-not=reality is that Olivia refuses to drink anything from her sippy cup but water or eat consistently well. The latter supposedly is common in toddlers as they develop a memory and come to realize that if I don’t eat now, I can get something later…right now I want to play. That is no consolation to me as her 12 month bloodwork came back low in iron. Anyway, we are still doing the bottle thing AND the formula thing so she gets her calories and iron from something. John mentioned that the next level at daycare, they don’t do bottles. If one kid gets a bottle, others want one too. Now I have to actively wean her off the bottle time and hope she eats enough to make up the nutrients…and starts to drink milk from a sippy cup. I always assumed the transition would be natural, but it ain’t. Just like I assumed that she would naturally start eating solids…because they were homemade and she would love my cooking. It’s the ultimate irony, isn’t it, that if you love to cook you will have a child who doesn’t eat?

Her first birthday party was a success. We had it at Bubbles Academy. I highly recommend that place for parties. They have an enormous room filled with toys and musical instruments and climbing things perfect for toddlers. They have planned activities and they do the clean up. Everyone raved about the party and some even were inspired to find similar opportunities for their children. My mom and John gave me a hard time for going through the effort and expense for a first birthday, but I think, both were pleased in the end with the outcome. Perhaps Olivia won’t remember the party, but we have photographic documentation that she had a good time (even though she didn’t eat much). I made all of the food for the party, including the cupcakes. I am not sure I would do that again considering the time and expense that it took probably equaled a catered alternative. I guess I have bragging rights, since people seemed to enjoy the food, but I also had a refrigerator full of cupcakes afterward. Some would think that’s a good thing, in theory, even I would, but it is not when you are having cupcake appetizers before dinner.

Olivia has taken to crying off and on throughout the night lately. I just read that this is due to the fact that they start dreaming now and may wake up thinking their dream was reality. It makes me wonder what could possibly be upsetting her at this age? I also read, from Weissbluth’s "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" that I shouldn’t be going to her and letting her soothe herself back to sleep because studies have been done to show that people who had sleep issues as babies have sleep issues as adults. So, even though it may sound like she needs me, and it tugs at every mom-gene I have, I have to let her just soothe herself back to sleep…lest she be a non-mama-sayin’-bottle-drinking-non-sleeping adult. I keep telling myself it will get easier once we can communicate with eachother and I can start guilting her into doing this stuff.

I got my two weeks notice yesterday. It’s not a surprise as we saw this coming. There is just not enough work at the firm to keep me busy/provide money for my salary. There are some big projects coming up next year, so I just have to wait out this year and pinch pennies where I can. We are going to try to keep Olivia in daycare so as not to lose our spot, but I am looking forward to spending time with my daughter. I know I won’t regret this time no matter what happens. Also, I decided to sign up for that half-ironman I missed due to her being in my womb and then there’s the Chicago Marathon I signed up for. I never thought I would be interested in doing a marathon, but now that I have all of this time to train, I may actually be able to come out of it alive. Hopefully Olivia’s ready to accompany me at the finish line. This is going to be an exciting year, I hope.

The opposite of well

Me: "Olivia's going to be one soon!"
Someone: "Oh, so you're ready for another?!"
Me: (scared chuckle)
I am sure I have said it before, that I love my beautiful Olivia, but she has been quite a handful as of late and I am not sure I am ready to do this past year all over again any time soon....and top that off with the added bonus of a toddler ruling the castle.
This week has been a vacation from the past three weeks, where I endured single parent-hood and then a very-common-very-contagious-very-dangerous-but-unknown-to-me-until-now bronchiolitis RSV.
The single parenthood thing was not as bad as I make it out to be. I mean, I have better empathy for single parents who do this day-in and day-out, but it wasn't bad. My parents were out of town the same week, so I didn't have them to take her for an hour or two for some me time...but she was pretty good that week. I can't think of any major fiascos save just getting her to and from daycare and going to work. I only got about one day at the gym that week, but little did I know, I should have counted my blessings while I had them.
John returned on a Saturday. I took Olivia to Meijer to pick up some groceries before going to pick up John from the airport. She was coughing pretty frequently, but she had had this cough that hasn't stopped for about a month now. (the pediatrician said that daycare kids often have overlapping colds due to the amount of kids in one room and the ample opportunity to pick up some disease du jour). I remember saying, I couldn't handle another cold with Olivia. All I wanted was to have a "well" baby for a little while and it looked like we were going the opposite of well.
At the airport, waiting for John, Olivia was abnormally fussy and unhappy. (still coughing). Later that day, we decided to go out to dinner and Olivia was lethargic and starting a fever. She would not take a bottle or any food. I started to really panic. We gave her some Tylenol and called the pediatrician. The pediatrician seemed concern about the cough she could hear over the phone and told us to try to get any liquids in her, preferably Pedialyte..but all Olivia would take at that time was water. This was looking really bad.
The next day, I just monitored her. The Tylenol kept her fever down, but she was still barely drinking and not eating at all. We watched for any sign of a dry/wet diaper...6 hours or more of a dry diaper meant dehydration. I was hoping it didn't come to the emergency room, because I have had no good experiences with emergency rooms, I was worried we'd be in the waiting room more than with a doctor and that, it seemed, was the last thing Olivia needed.
That Monday, John, my mom, Olivia and I went to the walk-in hours at our pediatrician's office. I was worried the office would be packed, but I got there early enough that we were the first ones there. The pediatrician came in and said, halfway through the physical that he was pretty sure she had bronchiolitis RSV AND an ear infection. He prescribed antibiotics for the ear infection and, since it was a virus, all they could do was help her breathe, so he prescribed an asthma type pump for babies. This pump thing, looks like the penis pump from Austin Powers. It's very weird putting that on your baby's face...and, as an added bonus, Olivia hated it and would squirm like no tomorrow. It's amazing how strong babies can be when they don't want something.
Monday through Thursday, I worked from home and cared for Olivia. Luckily, she slept a lot, but wasn't really drinking anything. She ate some, but drank little. Great. The number one thing the pediatrician said was to keep her hydrated...it didn't matter if she ate solids, she just needed the liquids (preferably milk or formula). So, I am panicking more. Apparently when babies are sick and can't breathe through their nose, they don't drink because they like to breathe and drink at the same time. If they can't have both, they chose breathing. Wassup with that?!
So, I Googled any suggestions on how to get liquids into a baby who won't drink. People suggested wet cloths, Popsicles, sucking on ice...all of which worked for a millisecond with Olivia and then we were back to square whole-lotta-nothin. John finally figured out that she would take her medicine with a dropper, so we fed her milk via a dropper. It's amazing how resourceful you become when faced with a dire situation you never knew existed.
I can't say I spend my time talking or reading about what other mothers face, (perhaps I should), but I have NEVER heard of RSV (bonchiolitis isn't even in spellcheck!!). I have NEVER heard of a baby not drinking. I didn't know what to do! Pediatricians should say things other than "it doesn't matter if she doesn't eat as long as she drinks" when they know that a sick baby will probably refuse a bottle. This information should be as widespread as the Swine flu was this year. I made sure to get my baby vaccinated for everything I could, but it just wasn't enough. I just felt so unprepared for this...it's like my birth experience all over again, but worse because I was dealing with a sick person who couldn't communicate.
Fast forward to Thursday, I take Olivia over to my parents' so I could work from home without having to worry about her. By early afternoon, my mom had called and said that she vomited whatever she drank in the morning and was refusing to drink further and that they were trying the [penis pump] inhaler on her but couldn't figure it out. I immediately rushed over to see what I could do. When I was unsuccessful at trying to get some liquids in her, we all decided it was best to take her to the pediatrician again.
At the pediatrician's they immediately took her temp. It was 103. Defeated, I started crying. Nothings makes you feel worse than when your baby is getting worse and you have done everything you knew to be right. The pediatrician told me I had two choices. One, wait four hours to see how she reacted to the professional inhaler they gave her at the office or go to the hospital. I do have this new found fear and loathing for a new round of hospital bills, but my baby needed liquids...even if they had to be inserted intravenously, she was getting them.
Luckily, there was a room available on the pediatrics floor of the hospital (bypassing the ER). What kinda bothered me about the first couple of hours at the hospital was that they didn't jump to the IV. We had some breathing treatments first and then first and they kept giving me the impression that this was the way to go. My mom practically scolded me for not wanting the IV sooner, but I assumed the doctors knew what they were doing. (now I wonder). Has the CYA medical system gotten so prevalent that even necessities are always coupled with other options?
Oh, I could just go on a rant right now and second guess myself for not being more adamant about Olivia gettin on the IV right away, but luckily my sister was in the room and stepped in. "It isn't going to hurt her, so why not start the IV right away?" Exactly, but why was I presented with these options when the glaring issue was Olivia was not taking in liquids?! Very very frustrating.
With the bad so comes the good. At least Olivia was being monitored by professionals and I could just be with her and not worry about her getting fluids. The first day, Friday, that we were there was the worst. They needed to amp up the oxygen on her just to keep her saturation in the 90s. Saturday she was weened off the oxygen, then the IV as she was starting to eat on her own again. By Sunday morning, we were all confident that we could take her home and just let her get better. Good thing, it was Super Bowl Sunday and I was not looking forward to watching it in the hospital.
The following week, I spent working from home and just letting Olivia recover. Slowly, but surely she was back to her old self. She was still not drinking enough to make me relax, but she was progressing. On Thursday afternoon, though, she sucked down a 4 oz bottle and I could not be happier. It's an amazing feeling when the weight of the world (that is your child) is lifted from your shoulders. I have never appreciated a healthy baby more. I really thought I would appreciate the "well" times with Olivia since she is generally teething or sick more often than she is well, but it really takes RSV to make you really really really appreciate the "well" times.
Cut to this week and we have our Olivia back and then some. She is walking up a storm. I have to admit, I was worried that the RSV stint would weaken her somehow, but she bounced back like it was nothin'. Definitely, my child :-)
This week almost makes me think I might be able to do this all over again. Not now, I definitely want to put this half ironman behind me...

Five small steps for Olivia, one giant leap into a whole new world..

I thought I should mark this day. Olivia took her first steps! To quote John "Daycare showed me a video of Olivia walking today. It was a drunken Frankenstein monster walk, but she got in five steps!"
Seeing as she just made it past 10 months, I think this is early, but exciting nonetheless. My baby is growing up!!

The best of times, the worst of times

Due to the generosity of grandma (mom, to me) I was able to attend a friend's Eve of the Eve party this year. At the party, I was talking to my friend and her sister about, what else, our kids and I mentioned that Olivia is almost 10 months now. "Oh, that is the best time!" said my friend's sister. I happen to concur with that statement. Of course, every day with Olivia is amazing, but now she's showing her personality. She has full blown babble conversations with you, or the inanimate object she's holding. She smiles with her whole face (and it just melts me). She is trying to stand on her own, she's almost eating without problems...almost. Right now she's on nap number two without problems... what could be better?!

Well, I have been off work the past couple of weeks. Most of this has been due to the holidays, but I took some time off to spend with my baby. I am starting to look at her and realize how time is flying by. But, I digress... this personality that I am so excited about comes with its downfalls too. For example, I can't just rock her and stick her in her crib anymore. She's starting to realize that it's pretty nice being held by mommy and she prefers that over the crib. As much as I would love to hold her 24-7 I have to walk away from a crying, sometimes screaming baby. At this same party of which I spake, my friend said that "now you have to treat them how you wan them to be." Oh goodie, the big bad "D" word (discipline)..for me and Olivia. I have only a window of opportunity to hold her before nap/bedtime. Too long past the window and she ain't going down without a fight. Also, she's starting to pull the guilty crying when I walk away from her.."I don't waaant you to goooooo" cry (of course she doesn't utter the words, but we all know what's being said...)

The thing she does that makes me panic the most is not drinking her milk. Lovely how the pediatrician says that "it doesn't matter if she doesn't eat at this age, but she has to have her milk." Olivia has been doing this new thing where she actually screams bloody murder when I try to give her a bottle. Perhaps it's not warm enough...perhaps she has a tummy ache... whatever it is, she is obviously surviving not drinking the recommended 18-24 ounces of milk a day, but she's giving me great stress. Today has been okay, but I haven't been able to relax a whole lot this "staycation" because she's been making it hard for me to do the one thing the doctor says is most important.

I am starting to see a silver lining to all of this discipline stuff, though. I let her cry for a few minutes and she sooths herself to sleep. It's amazing how slowly time moves when your baby is crying and you're waiting for her to just go to sleep. Sometimes if I stick to my guns and just keep trying to feed her a bottle, through the torturous screams, she actually just calms down and starts sucking away. Of course, if there is any disturbance in the force, then we're back to square one... hmph.

I guess you get the good with the bad. For the wonderfully happy, beautiful baby that is mine, all mine, I have to struggle sometimes. Comes with the territory, I know. Good OR bad, I am trying to appreciate this very special time in all of our lives. Once she starts walking, as they say.... it's a WHOLE new ballgame. That's just around the corner