It's getting to the point where thinking about motherhood is keeping me up at night. Last night, I thought, I was having a restless sleep when I hear "Jesus!" from John. Apparently I was snoring. That is so weird how I am now sleeping but not. I felt totally awake, just my eyes were closed. I was having all of these thoughts about Olivia and what these next few weeks will be like, so I was sure that I was not fast asleep, but apparently I was snoring and didn't even know it. HOW does that work? Can you dream you're awake? If so, that's not fair. If not, how can you snore and not even know it? I could hear John wrestling around in bed, so why is my snoring not audible to me? Unless, it was Matilda and I just am taking the heat...
So, I moved to the couch downstairs. It's not really a punishment for me, as most pregnant women, I find the couch more comfortable than the bed lately. I am trying not to sleep there too much though. Who knows what could happen, at this point, at night. (IE water breaking)
I have an evening appointment this week with my doc. I joined the "weekly club" as Karen put it. This time I get an internal exam, so we'll see if I am starting to prepare for birth or not. No guarantees at this point, but I do remember getting a notice when my sister was pregnant, that she was dilated so it could be two weeks or any day now and I believe she delivered the next day. I wish I could give odds with that kind of range for my profession. "I will show up sometime in the next two weeks...."
I also met with the bosses regarding my leave, yesterday. I start working from home as of this Friday and it cannot come sooner! I hear that driving pregnant can be a chore, but it's not so bad for me...it's just not being able to lie down at work that sucks. Anyway, apparently the group that provides our benefits and paychecks have removed FMLA from all firms with less than 50 employees. I had read this clause in the FMLA act, but up until January 16th of this year, FMLA was applicable to my small firm. Because I am such a "valued" employee they are going to pay my benefits "this time" while I am on leave. SO, if I want another child, I may have to think about my options as far as having health benefits or even a job. That royally sucks. But, maybe it would be a sign that I should find another option. Well, when the economy gets better. I have my current child to think about and a secure job for now. I should consider myself lucky. humfph.
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