O's intuition

I hope I am not jumping the gun here, but, it looks like I may be going back to work soon. Nothing concrete yet, but tomorrow I will know more.
Ever since I knew this lunch date was coming, possibly with a job offer, I see Olivia in a whole new light. I don't think I ever really took this time with her for granted, but now it seems to be more finite, I can't help but get choked up inside when I see her and hold her. It's been over a year, which is more than a lot of moms get to spend with their children, but it's been a wonderful year. I think I did a good job of taking advantage of what the city and burbs have to offer someone O's age. Perhaps some mothers are better than I, but there will always be that.
Perhaps it's just me, but Olivia seems to sense what I am feeling. She has been pretty clingy recently. Wanting me to put her to bed, to hold her (ALL THE TIME)... This is not "normal" for her, so I am interpreting it as she knows that I need to hold her all the time. I am sure this will not help either of us in the future, but for now, I am going to enjoy every second of it.
I had another aha moment with her last night after the bathtub. I decided to break out the crayola colored soap so she could paint the tub and herself all variations of blue, red and yellow. Clearly, she enjoyed it, because there was a cry-fest after I put away the colored soap. She wouldn't let me do anything (as far as drying her off, brushing her hair...). I just stopped everything, got to her level and calmly told her that if she wants to have the colored soaps for her next bath that she cannot scream and cry when I take it away.... Clearly she got it. It was like a switch went off and she calmed down. I asked her if she wanted the colored soaps for her next bath and she said "yeah". And that was it.
It's amazing, to me, that mid tantrum, you think you cannot rationalize with someone who is so seemingly inconsolable, but it astounds me that they understand what you are saying even at their age, in their state called tantrum. I thought this stuff only worked on TV.
Speaking of TV, screw those people who don't let their tots watch or judge others who do. Not that I will let Olivia watch anything, but Dora and PBS have helped her gain confidence in her speaking and understanding language. I am not encouraging TV as a babysitter, but there are some great programs on television (AND Netflix instant view) that help the day go by and have her calm down and focus on something for a good 20 minutes (or more). There is even PBS in Spanish, which excites me as it will help me in my endeavour to help Olivia be bilingual and not miss out on the opportunity to learn another language (or two) at this prime time.

Bad Mom - Good Mom

Has a stranger or friend ever said or done something to make you feel like a terrible mother, when you know you are only trying to do the best for your child, but what they say or do makes you question yourself? Something happened the other day that still bothers me. I don't know if it bothers me more that I feel like a sh*tty parent or that I should have told the stranger to butt out. I am just really still disturbed by the event.
We were packing up from an afternoon at the beach when Olivia decided to go into full protest mode about getting in her carseat. She still says things we can't understand and what she was saying sounded like she wanted to drive. Whatever, we all know she must go in her carseat. But she was stiffening herself so her body would not bend into the carseat so I could buckle her. I checked that the seat wasn't too hot or anything, so Olivia was seemingly just in tirade mode and I couldn't do or say anything to calm her down. So, I decided to pull out the time out to just have her calm down. Well, I placed her facing a nearby tree to get her cry out so we could head home. Along comes this older lady who starts telling Olivia that she's a nurse. Yes, she was talking to Olivia as if I wasn't there. I said "She's not hurt she's just in time out." and the woman IGNORED ME. She kept telling Olivia she's a nurse and that she shouldn't waste her energy crying. I kept talking to the woman, hoping she would get the drift that this was a personal parenting moment, but she ignored the fact that I was even there as if she wouldn't deign to talk to the mean mommy who was trying to calm her toddler down the only way knew how. Thank you, lady; I tried the calm soothing voice. Didn't work...
Olivia tends to get quiet when strangers talk to her, so she did stop crying, but holy cow! I have had my mom tell me that I was doing wrong parenting, and that annoys me, but it's acceptable, but a stranger, who hadn't seen the scenario prior to Olivia's time out to know what the heck was going on. And, why did she repeatedly tell Olivia that she was a nurse. You know what nurses are to Olivia? The ladies who stick her with needles (for immunizations) and even then, I don't think Olivia knows what a nurse is yet. That's beside the point. Now I feel like I must have looked like I was being an awful parent just letting my toddler cry. But, when hugging and soothing talk doesn't work, all I knew was to let her cry it out. I am sure I read somewhere that that is an option when all else fails, you just have to make sure they are safe.
I am pretty sure that I would butt in when a parent was abusing their child, physically or verbally, but when a child is crying...and you are not asked for your help, BUTT OUT. Perhaps I feel disturbed on both accounts, like I should have some other trick in my mommy arsenal AND that I should have told that lady off. I mean, you may think you're doing good, lady, and that you know best how to get a toddler to calm down, but what you did was undermine my authority as a parent. Thanks a lot.
Last night, I did pull another trick out of my hat. One that I didn't expect to work, but did. Olivia was having a tantrum because she wanted to play while I read but that is a no no. Play during the day, book and bed at night. So, I told her to come here and read the book. When she ignored me, I said, "fine, bed, no book." I put her to bed wailing. I went into the kitchen and put the timer on for 2 mins (minute per year old.) (The timing thing works wonders as, usually, she's calm by then.) She was still wailing when I walked back into the bedroom. I went to hug her and sing to her, but she pushed me away and wailed for daddy. Great, now I am, yet again, the worst parent. Then, I started reading her (from memory) the book "When Sofie Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry" (great book, BTW). When I got to the part where Sofie cries, I asked Olivia if she was sad and she immediately stopped crying and said "yeah." And, poof that was it. She calmed down. I cannot believe that. I was then able to hug and finish the story and sing to Olivia and say goodnight.
I hadn't read anywhere to just ask the kid "are you sad?" This was new to me, but perhaps just recognizing, verbally, the kid's emotion puts an end to the uncontrollability of the situation. This is such an epiphany for me and weight off my shoulder if this actually works in the future. Of course, like all things that work once with your toddler, this one probably was a one-hit-wonder. I hope not, but being a mom has taught me not to expect all things to work all the time. You need a bag of tricks. And sometimes you need to throw that bag at the old lady who feels like she can butt in on your parenting moment and make you feel like bad mommy.