Time Flies when you're not Blogging

My sister asked me the other day if I had given up on my blog. In a sense, I had, but the mere question of it sparked my desire to write something.
Olivia is nearing her 18 month mark. I have managed to keep her alive for 18 months. It's been exhausting and exhilarating...but that's what every parent says. Here's what I think:
Since April 15, 2010, I have been unemployed. The super sucky economy has forced me into stay-at-home-mom-dome. I have to say that, I feel guilty for not working, but I am not complaining. I am confident that I will go back to work one day, but why not make this work for me and my daughter at this point? She still goes to petri dish uh, I mean, daycare twice a week. (we don't want to lose our spot, I need the me-time, it's good for her to be around other kids, they do activities that I don't have access to, and so on...) The time is great because I have decided to do that half Ironman I dropped out of when I became pregnant and now I am working on training for the Chicago marathon. I am hoping for a Boston qualifying time (why not, as I will never see this much time to train again). The days O is in daycare, I do my long runs or speedwork/weights at the gym and then the other days we go in the jogger. It's nice to combine nature, time with O and a workout all in one. Thank heaven for modern technology.
The time with O has inspired me to research how I can make her a baby genius. I have to admit that my sights may have been set a little high, but I am slowly coming back to reality.
For example: the multi-lingualism. My mom kept telling me that she needs to learn one language first. Which, I still don't totally agree with, but the few words she is learning at this stage, I don't want to confuse her with multiple versions of it. I think listening to it still is beneficial, but my expectation of her speaking it at this point has been put on hold. I say that, but of course we are going to a fine arts Spanish class in about a week. (fine arts meaning singing songs). Hey, I am not trying to be a pushy mom, but I enjoy the focused, educational time with her and other kids. Apparently there is not much offered for the under twos as far as mom-tot activities, so when I find something, like I found this place through Groupon.com, I latch on to it. I see it as taking a group personal training at the gym, we are all learning techniques we can use at home to enhance their growth.
I guess I can see why there is so little offered for the under 2's. Olivia's focused participation at this age is limited. She can do a few group activities, but mostly she wants to wander around. Still, the park, the library, the home, can become monotonous.
I am also researching all things Montessori. I always heard that word from other parents and an architecture professor I had was designing Montessori schools. I thought it was school for gifted, but now I find it's really a philosophy for raising an independent child. It seems we underestimate what our little tater tots are capable of at an early age. Some things, I have found, we are right on track about, but other things I think are really worth exploring. For example: I just made Olivia's room into her own little independent playroom. I bought some kiddie table and chair and bookshelf from Ikea and laid it out so she can independently access all of her toys and take the initiative on her own activities. I stocked up on crayons and do a dot art markers so she can explore her artistic side (which is mostly scribble at this point). I also recently took one side off her crib so it is essentially a toddler bed.
This might shock some parents, but she seemed to be planning her escape route anyway. She was throwing everything out of her crib. (perhaps to make a soft landing area, perhaps to see what happened to her crash test dummies.) Anyway, the first night was not the independent sleep wonder I had envisioned. She kept falling out of bed and I had to sleep on the edge of her bed to soften the fall. There is something to be said about a toddler falling on you when you're fast asleep, that something ain't good. The next day we installed a guardrail on the bed (cheap-o-rama at Ikea) and it seemed to do the trick.
Of course, everything works for a while with Olivia, then everything changes. She's taken to waking up screaming at odd hours of the night. We can't decide if it's night terrors or molars. I guess I have to wait until her next pediatrician visit to find out. Or I could just Google it. (You always seem to find someone with your problem on Google, what a lovely place to not feel like the worst parent on the planet thank goodness for Google!)
I am slowly wishing I had been more diligent about writing as there seems to be so much I want to say.
Ok, next topic... following the expectation-o-meter dipping, if I am anything, I am a swimmer and an eater. Things I remember as a child are gorging on mac n' cheese and swimming in various public pools in the area. We have a kiddie pool at our gym that I couldn't wait to take Olivia to. I had this vision of her laughing and splashing around...looking at me with that "you're-the-best-mom-in-the-world" look as she kicks some water in the air... what actually happened was: as soon as I opened the door from the locker room to the pool, she turned to me and wrapped her arms around my neck for dear life and started to cry. She even pooped her swim-pants. People keep telling me that next year things will be different and I believe them. It still doesn't change the fact that my mommy-daughter fantasies were squelched. Next year. Next year.
And for that mac n' cheese thing...she hates the stuff. Oh, she'll have a bite or two, but then she starts looking around for something else to eat or starts signing "done" and squirms to get out of her high chair. Well, I think she likes spaghetti. That's something. I don't know what genes she's getting her tastebuds from, but they seem to not be mine. Good thing I love to cook and she doesn't love to eat. [Sigh] Like someone wise once said, "this too shall pass". I could also Google this quote, but I am to lazy right now. I have too much to write as it is.
Lately I have been dreading her pediatrician visits. It's not the shots, she's fine with the shots. It's the inquisition about what milestones she has or has not achieved. I generally feel like she's growing at a "normal" rate until we get to THOSE questions and then I start feeling like there's some checklist out there that every parent knows about but me. I was so excited that she started walking and crawling early I forgot to make sure she could point to her bellybutton at 15 months. So, of course you know I have been focusing on her body parts these past 3 months. I am hoping to walk into the pediatrician's office able to say "yes" to all of the questions he asks, but I just know that he's going to ask if she can do a one armed push up while reciting the alphabet backwards and I am going to start breaking a sweat. I really want to know where he's getting this list, because, as far as what I have been able to find, Olivia's on track, but there's always a curveball with him.
And, as if the pediatrician wasn't there to make me freak out about Olivia's development, it's my mom. Today she noticed that Olivia walks pigeon-toed. I said that's normal (not exactly confidently) and she said in that way moms say "I don't thiiiiink soooo." Hmprh. That's another great thing about Google. It's the greatest defense against judgemental moms/grandmas. Of course I googled pigeon toed 18 month old and found many responses that it's common and/or they just grow out of it. (Some people said to put the left shoe on the right foot and visa versa...I am not quite at that point yet) So, mom, take THAT.
Expectations or no, I am really just a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda mom. I take each day and experience as it comes. Some new-moms just seem to know what to do and what to say. I am not one of them. I think I have been doing my best these past 18 months as I will continue to do. Of course, the questions about a second child are starting to rear their head. I can't make any commitments to a second until I know what's happening with my job. And then, there's that Ironman 2012 that's started to become a goal... I asked John about a number two. I just assumed that we would have another one, but, in reality. I am happy with Olivia. Very happy. If we have another one, that would be great, but let's just focus on making this one great for now.