I am mother, hear me whine!

The thought that goes through my mind time and time again is: How do people get through their first and decide they want to do it all over again?! Don't get me wrong.... Olivia is, what I imagine to be, a dream baby, but aside from not wanting to deny her the joys of siblings.... why would I do this again? I never feel like I spent enough quality time with her and when I do spend time with her, as much as I try to stay in the moment, my mind wanders to all of the stuff that could/should get done. Just the guilt of not doing my best at the quality time with my dd... And the stress of making sure there's nothing around that could hurt them...but not too much padding or they never know what pain is like to avoid it and then you have a whole new ball of hot wax on your hands. Speaking of hot, I have just scratched the surface of babyproofing. More fun awaits!

I say this, knowing I will want another one shortly. My friend finally got prego after a year and a half of trying. (I thought my ten months was torturous!) She's a great mother, with a great head on her shoulders. She has nothing to worry about if the theory (I have) that your children will give you as much joy/grief as you gave your parents aka Karma. I am so happy for her and can't wait to see her go through all of those fun changes again. I just happened upon a book in a bookstore, that I saw the title and just laughed out loud: "What to expect when your expected." A parody of the bible to all parents/parents-to-be. I am surprised that I didn't think of that first. It is so in line with my sense of humor.. But I also thought Martha Stewart stole my idea as well (I was just too young to do it). I may have to steal it back from her for my next go-round.

Tis the holiday season. I keep staring at all of the Christmas themed outfits I could/should be getting Olivia. Namely those adorable miniature gowns that every baby girl seems to own. I keep thinking, "She has something red I could throw on her for Christmas." It's really hard to fork over even the smallest of change for something she'll wear for a few hours...ever. Even though she will look totally adorable in it. Am I a bad mother because I don't buy her the frilly frills yet? I am sure I will make up for it when it comes to tutus. You KNOW she's going to be sporting the tutus...the aerodynamic kind that go with her running shoes that daddy buys her ;-)

Okay, I am even boring myself. I just thought that I needed to update my blog and I had a few ideas. Sorry for this one.

Olivia's Law

I thought this momnesia thing was for pregnancy and/or the "fourth" trimester when you aren't sleeping. I think we're on a "normal" sleep schedule and I cannot express in words how my brain is failing me. (probably because I am too stupid at this point to think of words). I am lucky I can communicate at all at this point. The English language fails me at times. I was trying to explain to my mom how my boss' kids went to "smart kids pre-school" (aka Montessori) and they don't babyproof there. Good thing I want Olivia to learn multiple languages. Cuz, if she's relying on me for English, then she's screwed.
Speaking of babyproofing, Olivia has broken through our makeshift pillow barrier. I was eating my dinner and all of a sudden I couldn't see her. Luckily, I noticed in time..cuz she also likes go go up our stairs and that was right past the barrier. She can crawl up the stairs on her own, but would probably fall back down if we weren't around. I really have no room in my worrying department for that just yet. I like the idea, in theory of not babyproofing and having your child learn what not to touch by either being harmed by it or by you telling them... I mean, all we have right now are outlet plugs and our couch cushions everywhere... and a few generous friends' donated baby gates (which we have yet to put up). We'll see how much babyproofing I actually have to do. Olivia does like to go to the ONE place she shouldn't... It's just... where do you STOP? I could cover this house in all things babyproofing and I am sure she'll find the one hole in the system. That's Murphy's (nay Olivia's) law.
This week has been another week in what I'd like to call...should-I-go-to-the-emergency-room-?, otherwise known as Olivia's week in projectile vomiting. All I can say is, I don't know how moms coped without Facebook or Google. Through Google, I just typed in her symptoms and find that coughing can trigger the gag reflex. By posting her symptoms on Facebook, all of my parent-friends told me to just keep her hydrated and plenty of sleep. The good news is, I don't feel like the worst mother for keeping her at home...the bad news is, this latest disease she picked up (probably at daycare) has brought us back to square-one with the feeding process.
Bland foods is all she'll even deign to open her mouth for. My sister told me that her friends' kids will only eat white foods. This terrifies me, to say the least. My hope is that this will all be some cruel irony and she'll actually be an avid eater (like her mommy) when she gets a little older. HOW can MY kid be such a picky eater? She is way too young to reject all of the wonderful flavors and textures that await her. Fingers crossed for cruel irony... either that, or I have some 'plaining to do to my pediatrician for making me wait until 6 months to start her on solids. I had such a feeling that she was ready sooner and I waited for her to form a personality [food snob]. I guess we can't have it all. For every other aspect of my darling daughter is damn near awesome. If all I have to complain about (and she doesn't become malnourished) is her eating habits, then I can consider myself a baby-lottery winner.
Look at me looking on the bright side of things.
Yesterday was our second ever family portrait (first was at O's two weeks). We went to Sears Portrait Studio. Shame on me for picking a Saturday, but I guess that's the only way we could get Daddy in the picture. Everything turned out alright...but there's nothing like a room full of irate parents who's kids in matching red and green plaid numbers, who are sweating their ___'s off to make you think "oh great, the Christmas spirit has arrived." I am amazed at how calm we were considering the chaos. But, I am so happy and we got a few great shots of O in her cute little dress grandma bought her from France. (tres fasionable) Of course, as is Olivia's Law, her whole nap schedule was off... to top of it being excessively hot in there, the portrait studio running behind, Olivia hadn't really had a nap. I scheduled the appointment so she'd be fresh from her nap, but NOOOOO daddy had to let her sleep until 9am so everything got screwed up schedule wise. I am surprised we got the smiles we did from my poor baby. Lesson learned... don't try to plan anything around naps because it will never work out like it does in your head.
Now, it's quiet. Sunday afternoon. My baby's asleep. My husband's off running errands. I have a cup-o-joe in front of me and another blog in the bag. This is bliss. What do I do with myself? I guess I can pump. For those of you who were on pins and needles in the end-of-the-pump debate, I decided to get a new pump. When I found myself in the shower trying to squeeze out every last bit of milk that the manual pump didn't get...I decided I wasn't ready to give up. The pump goes on. Woo hoo.

Great, now I have to worry about ________

I have said this sentence in my head a lot lately. Olivia is expanding her culinary repertoire and pulling herself up to standing...which means I am finding out what I should not feed her and that she likes to stand, which means ...what goes up, must come down.
I don't know why,but I got all excited about feeding her hummus. Hummus is baby food in texture only. After a few bites, I noticed that she was getting some redness around her mouth. So, now I am freaking out that she is having an allergic reaction and that I may have to go tot he hospital shortly. Now I am in the state of panic for the next few hours to see if she can't breathe because her esophagus has swollen because I, the terrible mother, thought hummus was a good idea. Well, fortunately, she has lived to see another day..
I am currently in another state of panic because Olivia was pulling herself up and fell backwards and bumped her head. She cried the silent cry that only mommies can hear (they are so distraught no sound comes out but the silence shouts "you terrible mommy, you!") But, I shoved a sippy cup in her mouth and she sucked down some water and forgot all about it. Now, she is asleep and I have time to freak out about the fact she banged her head and all of the repercussions that may bring.
Then, I think, this ain't even the worst of it. I have YEARS of heart attacks waiting to happen. We were at a party yesterday with adults and children. The kids were running in and out of the house, going who knows where... and the parents were chatting away without a care in the world. I don't know how I can be that parent. How I can just let Olivia go off on her own with all of the crap that goes on in the world. I guess living with the guilt that if I don't she's going to end up far worse.... I'd like to think I'd be a cool mom, but I may need physical restraints to make it through.
The cherry on my Monday is: my breast pump is dying a slow death. It has given up. I guess that's a sign, but I am not ready to give up just yet... The thought of getting my period alone is making me dust off the manual pump. I am going to test it tonight to see exactly how miserable it is to manually pump and, subsequently, how desperate I am. Olivia has four months to her first birthday..... maybe I will consider it my daily workout. "How did you get those sexy arms?!" "Why, it's the manual breast pump I use!" Of course, I think the way that works is I will get the enormous, Popeye-esque, forearms that men go crazy over. Ah cah cah cah cah.