End of an era

Today is the last day of 2008. 2008 B.C. (Before Child) 2009 will be A.O. (after Olivia). What a strange concept that soon someone will depend on me for everything. I will be looking into the eyes of a combination of John and myself. It is so exciting to see what we combine to make. So far, I think, she looks like me. But, babies also change dramatically from birth to even a few months old. As long as she gets John's side of the height gene pool, all is well.
Right now, it seems that Olivia is reacting to being pushed on/poked. She will push back when I put my hand somewhere. It's so amazing! It's not a guaranteed occurrence, so don't go asking me to perform the trick with a guaranteed result, but it happens...believe me!
I am starting to ache to see her. The 3-d ultrasound was like a fix for my heroin-esque baby addiction. I need more!! I have a little over two months (if everything goes according to schedule). I still have baby showers to attend and baby stuff to buy and...most important.. a room to put together.
The only thing that John and I have successfully done to the baby room is set up the glider (for testing purposes! we don't want that thing to not work when the time comes!) I plan to have O sleep with me in the beginning, so I don't think the crib is as critical right now, although there is no baby room complete without one.
My mom has a box full of baby clothes just waiting to be worn. So far, my favorite is a small white bonnet. Who knew that a bonnet would make me even more excited to see my baby! I just know she would look so cute in it.
Well, I suppose I should be enjoying these last few months when O's needs are being taken care of and John and I can leave the house without needing a babysitter or a diaper bag and baby. It's getting harder and harder to be patient, though. This is not exactly, as you have probably figured out by now, a virtue I am good with. I guess I will have to just hug my nephew a little bit more to get me through... Or I'll take friend volunteers ;-)

It's getting harder and harder to breathe

I am studying for an exam I am taking tomorrow. This requires me sitting up for extended periods of time, which compresses my whole midsection. I get extremely uncomfortable because I cannot breathe with the ease of the pre-belly days. This rings true for sleeping as well.
The required side sleeping is getting increasingly complicated due to the fact that, in preparation for pregnancy, the hormones dissolve the (drawing a blank for the medical word) connectivity between the hipbones so they can widen and separate and allow a baby to pass through. So, I get stabbing pains in my hips when I sleep on my side. Sounds like fun, huh? I am going to have to find an alternative, which may be sleeping in an upright seated position...but then we get back to that nagging breathing issue....
Even though I cannot help but enjoy these times when Olivia is safe and is having all of her needs met inside me, I cannot wait to get some more room back in there. Of course, then I will probably be sleeping even less due to the needing me to meet all of her needs thing...

Wake up, little O. Let me SEE you!

The first set of pictures were of body parts. Olivia was hiding her face by facing toward my back. Then, when Sami, the ultrasound tech, finally got her head, she was hiding in her arms. It's like she was determined not to let me see her yet. But, we all persevered.
Finally the seas, uh, her arms, parted and we got a good look at her. It turns out she looks like momma! Lips and nose anyway. Babies change so much...who knows what we'll get when she makes her appearance and then grows into her own person.
I thought I would cry when I finally got to see her. I just really spent so long trying to figure out what it is I was looking at. It's amazing how the littlest nothings set me off, but when I see her, I am calm. Maybe that's another part of motherhood. Although, I hear you tend to shed tears for the real thing....

Nooooooooooo Snoooooooooooooooooow!

I can't look outside right now, it's too depressing. It is white out conditions snowing and all I can think about is how I am going to get to the doctor's office in one piece to get my 3-d ultrasound. What if they close?! I couldn't bare it if I had to wait one more minute let another day or more. It's Schaumburg or bust for me today. Olivia has been moving a LOT these past few days..I think she's just as excited. If only she knew how crappy it was outside right now. They say if you are driving 30 mph you are going too fast. Great. Well, now I have an excuse to leave earlier than normal. Sitting in the car fearing for my life might pass the time better than being in this office...

The Dropper

Either I always drop things and just notice it more now that it is harder to bend over or I just drop more stuff now. Every time I drop something (like doing laundry last night, nothing went in the machine...) I almost laugh to myself that God is having a good time up there playing with me. "Should I let her get at least one sock in the dryer? Nah..." I have to believe at least someone is getting a laugh out of this because I am not and I doubt it's much fun for Olivia.
Tomorrow at this time I will have seen you, Olivia! I can't wait. I am dying to know who you are looking like. Although, I did just have a talk with my friend/former coworker about how babies tend to look like their dads at birth so the dad doesn't feel competition. This is true for all animals. Or so she says. It makes sense...and has been true for her and my sister's babes. I wouldn't mind, it's not like I was the most attractive baby on the planet...I hope I didn't just insult my father ;-o

Baby Crying = me crying

Today was the big hospital tour. We got a slide show introduction and then went to the women's hospital to see the deliver room, nursery and recovery room (much smaller and more hospital-esque). Walking past the nursery, we saw twins. I have never seen newborn twins before and, boy, are they TINY. Sooo cute, though.
Anyway, as we were touring the recovery room, I heard a baby crying. This set my hormones on fi-YUH. I had to fight hard to hold in my tears. It's getting entertaining now, watching those hormones run rampant. So far I haven't made a complete idiot of myself, but it's a good thing the belly let's people know what to expect in that department.
Last night was girls night with my homies Wendy and Jess. We had a great night of tapas and I watched them drink wine and imagined what that was like ;-) Anyway, before the restaurant I was at Jess' parents house. Her parents said I had the "pregnancy glow". Now, I have heard that before, but I truly don't see it. Is it an aura? Do I just seem more content or is it the "fuller" look I have from gaining weight? I mean, whatever it is, it sounds good, but I feel like I look the same. I definitely FEEL different.
I am waiting for my priorities to shift too. I can't wait for Olivia to come into my world for many reasons, but especially to take my mind off of the small, unimportant things that I seem to focus on.... work things especially. I am truly looking forward to maternity leave and being at home with my girl and just focusing on her and her needs....even though I am still concerned about how I am going to handle that...
Two more days until my birthday and my 3-d ultrasound. I could not think of a better gift to get! I want to see who she is looking more like...that she is definitely a she...what position she is in (what part of her is pushing on me). Olivia is now finding room higher (in my ribs) and lower (way down at the bottom of my belly) to move and groove. It is strange to have someone poking around there along with the standard pushing in the middle area. I want to know what part of her is in my ribs and what part of her is...down there.
Tomorrow I am treating myself to my promised monthly prenatal massage with Rose. I am really looking forward to it. No aches and pains at this time, but I will take an hour of heaven...for the baby.

Third Trimester - Time to FREAK OUT!

As my due date gets within visible range...I am officially starting to freak out about how I am going to do this...you know, be a parent of a newborn. It is what I have wanted for a while now, but the thought of keeping up with breastfeeding alone stresses me out. What if I don't have enough milk...how am I going to wake up every 2-3 hours to feed Olivia? How are John and I going to handle the stress that goes along with not knowing what Olivia needs? I hope I don't find our cat sleeping in Olivia's bed...
Then there are the current stresses of...is she moving enough? I know I have explained this to myself before, but she didn't move much the other day and it worried me again. I guess this all boils down to my not being able to believe I finally got the chance to have a baby of my own...what did I do to deserve such a wonderful opportunity?
And then there's the freaking out about how my freaking out is affecting Olivia.
I need a massage...

Future soccer player?

This morning, at my first third trimester doctor's visit, I did the typical weight, bp, belly measurements and heartbeat (what I most look forward to). It's crazy that you can not only hear O's heartbeat, but how much she's actually moving down there. I guess I don't feel everything she's doing... Then, right before the doc was about to take the monitor away from my belly, O gave it a good thwack...right into the monitor for mommy! So, maybe I should add soccer player to her triathletic skills. It's good to know that she already has better coordination than I.

Oops, sorry!

Mark this day as the day I opened a door into my belly. It's amazing how quickly one forgets how much room you have in front (or lack thereof). Up until now, miraculously, I have been pretty good about banging into things. That is not to say I have not been a klutz here and there, but I haven't inflicted harm on myself.
Speaking of being a klutz, there is actually a reason I am a huge dropper as of late. Did you know the hormones make your muscles relax so the gripping factor ain't what it used to be. So, it's not just me.... I am assuming those hormones work themselves back into shape when the baby arrives. Let's not dwell on that...
I am already vertically challenged and now horizontally blessed. It's HARD reaching things in the cabinets when you have to stand back too. I may work on perfecting the side reach...When cooking I now have to hold my arms out like Barbie. But with that challenge also comes the bonus of having a shelf for your food when eating in front of the TV. Uh, I mean, when having John recite poetry while I eat....(although he DOES have the accent for that stuff)
I have noticed this before, but I noticed it enough to want to blog about it today: the baby isn't always equally distributed in the belly. I think Olivia was on her side today as my left side stuck out more than my right. (Just as I was showing John the freakishness that is my belly, she kicked! Way to perform for Daddy!) I wish I could tell just by feeling what position she is in (aka head-up or down). I think I am going to ask the doctor tomorrow morning. Sometimes everything feels like it could be the top of her head...
I still have yet to play the 3am-go-to-the-store-and-get-your-pregnant-wife-the-treat-she-craves card. I am trying to decide what I would want that badly...because you KNOW I am going to play that card. The only real regrets one has in life is the things they didn't do....
The baby room still has not taken shape. I am beginning to wonder when my nesting urge will kick in. I'll keep you posted...

My head doesn't have to explode...yet

Get ready to fall in love with my OTHER boss. After not being able to sleep last night, I had a bright idea to propose, as a compromise, that I would be willing to work evenings and weekends from after one month (where John will be home to take care of Olivia). My other boss quickly responded to my offer. This actually made me cry this morning.

"[We] were reviewing project obligations and schedules and your temporary leave yesterday. First and foremost you need to do what is best for the three of you and we will adapt accordingly. What you're proposing seems very workable. That said, since there are so many unknowns going forward we will work with you and be flexible. I personally encourage you to spend as much time as possible with the family . . . . work will take care of itself."

I just realized how lucky I am when it comes to my job. The first real dose of holiday spirit I have had thus far. Cuz, it ain't coming from my fellow commuters...that is fo' sho'.

Cribs, gliders and guilt

Yesterday, John and I went to buy the crib. I had my eye on some more expensive models at Babies r Us and Buy Buy Baby, but the Consumer's Digest of all things baby "Baby Bargains" gave high marks for Ikea...of all places. Upon further research, Ikea had great reviews on their cribs, so that's where we decided to go. I admit, the crib we got does not match ANY of the furniture we have in the room, and, in comparison to the other cribs, it looks extremely simple, but it was also 1/4 the price. This is the first time in my life where I feel guilty about saving money. Right now, I have no reason to because all of the reviews are good, but I feel like I should have gotten the Cadillac anyway. The opposite usually happens with me. We'll see how it goes. John has to actually assemble the crib and I can spend some time with it and see if we get along...
Where I DID splurge is on our next trip to Babies R Us to look at gliders (the rocking chair of today). The chairs and ottomans ranged from $300 in combination to $500 for just the chair and a little under two hundo for the ottoman. The less expensive version, and what I would normally get because a chair is a chair was too narrow. Since I have heard that you basically live in these things in the beginning, I wanted to get something that John and I were comfortable in. So I bought the more expensive model. Funnily enough, the sales rep had the model numbers memorized because we happened to pick the most popular chair. Hopefully, that is a good thing.
So, now I feel guilty for splurging on my thing and saving on the crib. I rationalize it as she won't really care as long as it's safe. Just, if you come to visit me, pay no attention to the pink elephant in her room, aka her crib. Admire the glider ;-)
Also, I dusted off the "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I hadn't read that thing since my first trimester and, now that I am one day away from my third trimester, I thought I would catch up. First of all, I should not have put that book away. A lot of the Q&A portions of the book (what other moms are going through) is exactly what I went through. For example, the panicking about those days when Olivia was not moving as much as "normal". It explained that babies are humans (shocker) and sometimes they just don't feel like getting up and about, especially when you're moving a lot and basically rocking them to sleep. Sometimes, the baby is kicking all over the place it feels like you have an octopus in there...that's just cuz at this point there is so much room to groove...that will lessen as the babies grow. And then there are some things I wish I hadn't read, like getting the big H (hemorrhoids). Yum...
Recently I have been on the lazy side, so Olivia has gotten her groove on inside me. Last night she was doing more pushing than kicking...more tai chi than tai-bo. Whatever it is, I love it. It let's me know she's doing well.
One of the bonuses of having a dad who is a retired Gyno (and, I realized that I may make it sound like he's my gyno, but that is NOT the case...he's just my second opinion) is that he still has connections to his office and I am getting a free 3-d ultrasound on my birthday. That's about two weeks away still, but I am so excited! Great birthday present to me, no?!

Moooooooooo

Is it bad that I ordered my breast pump the other day and I am anxiously awaiting it's delivery. It's amazing the things that excite me nowadays.
I also stopped into Buy Buy Baby this afternoon. Imagine a Bed Bath and Beyond, but baby stuff. I was looking for plain ol' burp cloths. (Babies R Us did not have plain burp cloths) and managed to buy that and whatever that thing is called that you put over your shoulder to nurse in public, and then a miracle blanket...in pink! The modesty nursing thingy had a cool pattern, so I just HAD to have it.
Hopefully all of this nursing stuff will help me be all I can be in that department....and my boobs will respond accordingly ;-)

Hello Rock, Hello Hard Place, Pleased to meet you...

Yesterday I was in my car with my boss driving to a meeting. We start talking baby and that evolved into him asking "How long are you planning on taking off for maternity?". Now, here's the kicker...and most women would be horrified at his train of thinking : "Two weeks? A month?" The lovely thing about this is that my boss's wife went back to work after two weeks. Needless to say she owns her own business, is 10 years older than I am and they have a live in nanny. At this point I thought if I said "the whole 12 weeks", he would veer off the road. I mean, we are a small firm...I make up 1/4 of the architects and we have, thankfully, a lot of projects going on right now (in this economy). But, I have not met a mom who is happy she went back to work early or even after 12 weeks, and I want all of that time with my child. I would like more if I could swing it. Here's the real kick in the pants... If I say, "to hell with you" and quit, it may be harder to get another job in this economy... John makes decent coin, but I am not sure we can do the one person salary with a newborn.
Right now, I really really dislike my boss' wife for setting a terrible precedent and making him think this is all reasonable. On the bright side, if there is one in this scenario, they are being "totally flexible" and letting me work from home. I am no expert, but I think babies need a ton of attention and how I am going to fit work in between meeting O's needs (and my own). Maybe it will work out, but what if it doesn't?
So, let this be a lesson to all of you working women with the hopes of having a baby...if you work in a small firm, make sure you know what your employer's expectations are. I mean, because of FMLA, they HAVE to hold my job, but I have my hands in so much at this point they would really suffer if I was gone for that long, even with a temporary replacement. And believe me, in this economy, that is like blood in the water.

Zen is not in silence

I have learned that the thing that can make everything right in the world is the sound of a baby's laughter. My nephew has been hiding this from me since he started laughing, but, last night, my sister called me to hear his laughter over the phone. All of a sudden, I forgot all of my cares and was just happy. I think they should record the sound of a baby laughing and put it in an alarm clock. If people woke up to this sound every morning, then the world would be a better place.
Also, I was at the gym last night, walking on the indoor track and a woman stopped me to tell me that I did not look pregnant from behind. Can I just tell you that I literally had a skip in my step after that! So, lesson to everyone (unless it is a completely inappropriate situation for you men...) is, if you want to admire how great a pregnant woman looks, tell her! I am sure she will appreciate it!!!

Mommy as a baby

Well, if O ends up looking like me at birth,

we know there's still hope ;-)

Too pink or not too pink, that is the question...

The registry is officially started. It’s not complete because I have to drag John to the stores so we can pick out the crib together. (That’s manly, no?).
Thanks to my sister and Kata! Kata drove from Wilmington in traffic AND crappy weather to help me scan up a storm at Babies R’ Us. It went really well and I highly recommend bringing in the pros…I can see how it would be overwhelming even with those recommendations from the stores.
Even though it’s not the REASON for finding out if I was having a girl or a boy, I ended up sticking to mostly gender neutral stuff. When it comes down to most of the things you need, you want them around for more than your first kid, so, unless there becomes a way I am guaranteed only girls…. (Not sure I’d want that if it did.)
Olivia can get her pink on when she decides it’s what she wants…or if it’s given to her. For now, I am not going to bathe her in Pepto Bismol.
I am very excited now to get this stuff and start setting up the baby’s room. I am sure this will help John mentally prepare for this life-changing event as well!